1
00:00:14,598 --> 00:00:18,185
(upbeat march music)

2
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:22,856
(male vocalists singing in German language)

3
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:42,751
(male vocalists continue singing
in German language)

4
00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:02,729
(male vocalists continue singing
in German language)

5
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:20,622
(pedal squeaking)

6
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:27,796
(video game beeping)

7
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:47,899
(video game continues beeping)

8
00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:53,530
(upbeat piano march music continues)

9
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,659
(clothes rustling)

10
00:01:57,659 --> 00:02:01,580
(video game beeping)

11
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:03,915
(tie rustling)

12
00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:07,002
(video game beeping)

13
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:13,884
(suspenders squeaking)

14
00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:22,559
(upbeat piano march music continues)

15
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:25,604
(video game beeping)

16
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:31,276
(shirt thudding)

17
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:36,531
(video game beeping)

18
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:39,117
(Martin singing in German language)

19
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:44,122
(paper whirring)
(video game beeping)

20
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:52,089
(Martin humming)
(switches clicking)

21
00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:53,465
(record player clattering)

22
00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:58,470
(sultry music)
(video game beeping)

23
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,263
(lid clattering and squeaking)

24
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:03,350
(video game beeping)

25
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:08,939
(lid squeaking)
(video game continues beeping)

26
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:16,238
(sheet rustling)

27
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:21,743
- Oh.

28
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:23,537
Oh, this is <i>wunderbar.</i>

29
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:29,084
<i>Fraulein</i> Roop, if you would be so kind?

30
00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:33,588
(switch clicking)
(sultry music continues)

31
00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:43,849
(sheet rustling)

32
00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:53,150
(shoes clanking)
(sultry music continues)

33
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:11,168
(sultry music continues)

34
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:23,680
(drum rattling)

35
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:24,765
(cymbals crashing)

36
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:29,603
(whistle twirling)

37
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:33,023
(sultry music continues)

38
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:45,202
(clothes rustling)

39
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,078
(upbeat horn music)
(blanket rustling)

40
00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:48,580
- Oh!

41
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:51,666
(upbeat march music)

42
00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:56,213
(cymbals crashing)

43
00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:58,131
(gentle organ music)

44
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,132
(woman moaning)

45
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,884
(skin creaking)

46
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,637
- [DJ] Beware, this record is
the property of Radio Rio Dio,

47
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,931
100,000 watts of faith-healing power,

48
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,265
and its unauthorized use

49
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:10,060
may be punished by fine
and incarceration. Amen.

50
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,978
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪
(coffin squeaking)

51
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:16,441
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

52
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,318
♪ It's good enough for me ♪

53
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:24,991
♪ Makes me love everybody ♪

54
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,743
♪ It's good enough for me ♪
(coffin continues squeaking)

55
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:33,416
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

56
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:38,421
♪ It's good enough for me ♪

57
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,258
(Martin screaming)
(coffin squeaking)

58
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:46,805
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

59
00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,974
♪ It's good enough for me ♪

60
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:51,393
- Small Town, USA.

61
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,979
Average people, ordinary people,

62
00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:56,022
the folks next door.

63
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,525
Walk down any street, knock on any door,

64
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,026
and who will ya meet?
(engine humming)

65
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,611
Your neighbors.

66
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,613
That's what it's all about,

67
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:06,575
friendly people getting
to know one another,

68
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:09,327
pulling together for the mutual good,

69
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:10,996
at work and at play,

70
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:14,249
giving new meanings to
the word "democracy."

71
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,209
People like Mr. Peterbuilt,
(bell ringing)

72
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,587
A man to the name born.
(truck whirring)

73
00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:21,089
His obsession, garbage;

74
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:24,175
his profession, sanitary engineer;

75
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,845
his avocation, fucking.
(Lavonia moaning)

76
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:30,181
(mellow music)

77
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,310
Lola Langusta, practitioner
of the black sock.

78
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:34,144
- Oh, yeah.

79
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:36,897
- Fount of drug-induced fantasies.

80
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:41,610
Lola Langusta, hotter
than a Mexican's lunch.

81
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:44,946
(upbeat country music)

82
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:48,325
Semper Fidelis, the door-to-door salesman,

83
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,994
out there on a shoe shine and a customer.

84
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:53,455
Bon vivant, raconteur,

85
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:56,583
connoisseur of baubles,
bangles, and beads.

86
00:06:56,583 --> 00:07:00,462
Lingerie is his game,
plundering's his name;

87
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:01,880
a boudoir bandit,
(door clattering)

88
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,049
Raiding the coffers of the absent husband

89
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,800
as he draws a veil of gossamer
(woman moaning)

90
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,637
Over the eyes of the bedazzled housewife.

91
00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:11,139
(upbeat piano music)

92
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,390
Culture in Small Town

93
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:15,268
is represented by the
tempestuous Teuton,

94
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:18,396
Martin Bormann, equally
at home with the grand

95
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:20,231
and the grave.
(whistle trilling)

96
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,317
Both grungy laborers,
(laid-back music)

97
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:25,987
Beau Badger on the left,
Tyrone on the thigh,

98
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:28,406
clambering over the Grand Tetons

99
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:31,952
and the Qattara Depression
that is Junk Yard Sal,

100
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:35,330
slaving and slathering
together for the common good,

101
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,248
their employer and liege,

102
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:42,212
an Amazon sucking dry the
marrow of the laboring class.

103
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:43,505
(whimsical music)

104
00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:46,216
Lamar Shedd, true to his name,

105
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,259
hoisting high his petard,

106
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:51,304
always breaking rank to fight another day.

107
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,598
And people like Flovilla Thatch,

108
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:54,891
dental assistant,
(drill whirring)

109
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:58,144
Sexual surrogate,
double-gated paramedian;

110
00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,604
- Mm-hmm.
- Indispensable

111
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:02,023
to the populace of Small Town.

112
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,900
The scat man, Zebulon;

113
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,778
affable, well-meaning, man's best friend,

114
00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:08,697
seldom ever an Uncle Tom.

115
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,824
(upbeat harmonica music)

116
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,618
Lavonia, never a headache,

117
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:16,955
ever girding her loins for low body blows,

118
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,498
pubic-to-pubic,

119
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:22,335
wallowing in the empty
saddles of Small Town.

120
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,130
Both dentist and marriage counselor,

121
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,674
Dr. Asa Lavender, DDS,
(Asa growling)

122
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:28,508
(patient groaning)

123
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,136
Fighting tartar, soothing flaming roots,

124
00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:34,431
cleaving together a house divided.

125
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,099
The callow youth, Rhett,

126
00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:40,228
bumptious teenager,
potential decathlon champion,

127
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:44,149
qualifying in nine events
but lacking in one.

128
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:47,694
Small Town is like your town and my town,

129
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,155
where Main Street still works.

130
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:53,116
If you're still searching
for the American dream,

131
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:55,201
then search no longer.

132
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:58,038
It's right here in Small Town, USA.

133
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:58,955
(bed creaking)

134
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,790
Behind every door, a story;
(fart erupting)

135
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,043
Behind every story, a good woman.

136
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,628
Like the buxotic Eufaula Roop.

137
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,505
Yet that's another tale.

138
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,007
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

139
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,634
- But not every story is so simple.

140
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:14,971
Yes, believe it or not,
even in Small Town, USA,

141
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:18,058
there are still people who
are unfulfilled and unrelieved

142
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:22,645
in the midst of plenty.
(gentle music)

143
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,274
(finger rasping)

144
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:30,070
(crickets chirping)
(calculator beeping)

145
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,655
(hand rasping)

146
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:40,663
(crickets chirping)
(calculator beeping)

147
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:47,670
(hand rasping)

148
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:50,090
(crickets chirping)
(calculator beeping)

149
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,675
(paper rustling)

150
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,844
(pencil rasping)

151
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:57,722
(crickets chirping)
(calculator beeping)

152
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,728
(Lavonia moaning)

153
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,483
(bed clattering)

154
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:13,488
(Lavonia groaning)
(bed squeaking)

155
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,117
(paper rustling)

156
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:22,580
(crickets chirping)

157
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,999
(calculator beeping)
(crickets continue chirping)

158
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:28,920
(Lavonia groaning)
(bed clattering)

159
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:33,216
(crickets chirping)
(calculator beeping)

160
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:36,678
(Lavonia sighing)

161
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:38,555
(drawer clattering)

162
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:40,390
(packet thudding)

163
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,437
(fingers tapping)

164
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:52,110
(vibrator clanking)

165
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:54,195
(Lavonia exhaling)
(cigarette thudding)

166
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:58,616
(crickets chirping)
(calculator beeping)

167
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,912
(Vaseline squelching)

168
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:06,040
(Lavonia sighing)
(bed creaking)

169
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,625
(paper rustling)

170
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:10,962
(crickets chirping)
(calculator beeping)

171
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:13,965
(vibrator squeaking)

172
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:17,552
(crickets chirping)
(calculator beeping)

173
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:22,390
(vibrator whirring)

174
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:28,188
(air whooshing)

175
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:38,656
(calculator beeping)
(vibrator continues whirring)

176
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:42,493
(Lavonia moaning)
(vibrator continues whirring)

177
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:51,085
(calculator beeping)

178
00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:56,090
(Lavonia moaning)
(vibrator continues whirring)

179
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:04,098
(calculator beeping)

180
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:06,142
(paper rustling)

181
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:13,066
(Lavonia moaning)
(vibrator continues whirring)

182
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:26,412
(calculator beeping)
(vibrator continues whirring)

183
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:31,209
(Lavonia moaning)

184
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:34,837
(calculator beeping)
(Lavonia continues moaning)

185
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,839
(bed clattering)

186
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:40,510
(Vaseline squelching)
(vibrator continues whirring)

187
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:43,304
(Lavonia exhales)
(vibrator continues whirring)

188
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:44,430
(calculator beeping)

189
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,641
(Lavonia laughing)

190
00:12:46,641 --> 00:12:50,478
(Lavonia moaning)
(vibrator continues whirring)

191
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:10,206
(Lavonia moaning)
(energetic music)

192
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,332
(footsteps plodding)

193
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:14,752
(Lavonia moaning)
(vibrator continues whirring)

194
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:19,799
(vibrator smashing)
(buzzing dies)

195
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,342
(lamp clattering)

196
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,344
(paper rustling)

197
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,722
(calculator beeping)

198
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,517
(paper rustling)

199
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:33,813
(calculator beeping)
(crickets chirping)

200
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:39,152
(footsteps padding)

201
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,112
(calculator beeping)
(crickets chirping)

202
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,365
(playful banjo music)

203
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:46,701
(door thudding)

204
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,244
(calculator beeping)
(footsteps padding)

205
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,078
(carton thudding)

206
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,625
(chair clattering)

207
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:55,752
(pencil and hand rasping)

208
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:57,128
(milk splattering)

209
00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:58,504
(hand rasping)

210
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,381
(Lavonia gasps)

211
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,885
(crickets chirping)

212
00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:07,930
(calculator beeping)
(laid-back music)

213
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:12,101
(jeans rustling)

214
00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:22,362
(crotch squeaking)
(laid-back music)

215
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:30,745
(calculator beeping)
(crickets chirping)

216
00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:33,498
(pencil rasping)

217
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:40,296
(lively country music)

218
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:47,345
(hand thudding)
(chair clattering)

219
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:49,680
(zipper whizzing)

220
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,808
(Lavonia gasping and moaning)

221
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,559
(lips smacking)

222
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:58,022
(calculator beeping)
(Lavonia moaning)

223
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,323
(carton clattering)

224
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:12,120
(calculator beeping)
(Lavonia moaning)

225
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:31,722
(calculator continues beeping)
(Lavonia continues moaning)

226
00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:42,150
(calculator thudding)
(energetic music)

227
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:45,695
(Lamar screaming)
(footsteps tapping)

228
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:48,448
- No, no, no, no!

229
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,284
- I know it'll hurt.
- Lavonia, Lavonia, I love you.

230
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,493
- No, I hate it.
- For God's sake,

231
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:55,163
there's something’s gone fucking
wrong with our love life.

232
00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:57,790
(Lavonia screaming)

233
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,918
- Get your dick out of there,
you pre-vert!

234
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:05,923
(Lamar moaning)
(energetic music continues)

235
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:14,182
(Lavonia moaning)

236
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,269
Oh, Lamar Shedd!

237
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:20,938
(gentle music)

238
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:21,772
Take this!

239
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:25,776
(foot thudding)
(Lamar groaning)

240
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:28,070
That's the last time
you'll screw me in the ass.

241
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:38,372
(Lavonia grunting)
(chaotic music continues)

242
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:42,502
(zipper whizzing)

243
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,089
(footsteps plodding)

244
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:48,049
- Lavonia.

245
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,509
(Lavonia grunts)

246
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,135
(door creaking)
Lavonia.

247
00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:56,182
(footsteps tamping)

248
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,767
(door creaking)

249
00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,185
(door clattering)

250
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:03,356
(Lavonia whimpering)
(footsteps plodding)

251
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:06,192
(door clattering)

252
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:08,694
(gear stick clanking)

253
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,821
(engine humming)

254
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,284
(tires screeching)

255
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:19,121
Lavonia? Lavonia? Lavonia!

256
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,499
(engine humming)

257
00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:22,500
Lavonia!

258
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:27,630
(crickets chirping)

259
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:30,716
Shit.

260
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:33,553
(quizzical music)

261
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:39,183
(door squeaking)
(crickets chirping)

262
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,774
(belt clanking)

263
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:54,031
(mellow music)

264
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:04,375
(book thudding)

265
00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:08,170
(footsteps tapping)
(crickets chirping)

266
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:14,051
(pensive music)
(footsteps tapping)

267
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:20,850
(bed clattering)

268
00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:29,358
(lid clanking)

269
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:35,072
(switch clicking)
(gentle organ music)

270
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:42,330
(bed rustling)

271
00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:04,644
(gentle organ music continues)

272
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:12,401
(crickets chirping)

273
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:24,205
- And I was blind, too,
brothers and sisters,

274
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:27,792
but now I see, and you'll
see the light, too,

275
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:32,338
on Rio Dio Radio, 100,000 watts

276
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:37,343
of clear channel healing on
the Salvation of the Southwest.

277
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:40,221
Now, for all you listeners
who got your pencils ready

278
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:44,183
during that last inspiring
hymn, here's the address

279
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,353
for those blessed handkerchiefs
I was telling you about.

280
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,105
First, send a dollar,

281
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:50,773
only $1,
(cash rustling)

282
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:52,608
But no stamps or checks, please,

283
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:57,279
brothers and sisters, to
Hanky, Rio Dio, Texas,

284
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:59,949
care of your evangelist of the airwaves,

285
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:03,327
Sister Eufaula Roop,
bringing you salvation

286
00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:05,955
and hope to all of you folks at home

287
00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:09,250
and those listening over
the radios of their pickups,

288
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,043
four wheelers, hardtops,

289
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,170
and RVs.
(seat creaking)

290
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:14,714
But now it's time again
(woman moaning)

291
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,799
For our healing service.

292
00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:19,051
You've heard of laying on of hands.

293
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,387
You've heard of laying on of feet.

294
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:24,390
Well, I've got a simply
wonderful piece of news

295
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:27,435
for all you wonderful people today,

296
00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:30,062
Rio Dio Radio has entered

297
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:33,983
the born again electronic age of healing,

298
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:37,194
the laying on of radio.

299
00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:38,946
(crickets chirping)

300
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:40,823
Now, I know there are people out there

301
00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:43,367
who aren't feeling just right tonight.

302
00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,369
Maybe they can't quite put a finger on it,

303
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:48,122
but gosh, they know something's wrong.

304
00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:50,666
Maybe a joint that's stiff and sore.

305
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:53,794
Maybe nothing worse than a bad head cold.

306
00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:57,214
Or maybe you're among the
bedridden or the laid-up.

307
00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:58,632
Well, you're just the folks

308
00:20:58,632 --> 00:21:01,469
we're gonna heal tonight.
(breasts creaking)

309
00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:03,929
You know, they say
healing could take place

310
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:06,515
in mysterious ways,
(steering wheel clattering)

311
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,851
For the ways of the universe are strange,

312
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,686
brothers and sisters.

313
00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:13,189
So, we're gonna try something new tonight.

314
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:15,566
We're gonna heal over the radio.

315
00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:17,401
That's right, brothers and sisters.

316
00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:20,154
I want you to place your afflicted parts

317
00:21:20,154 --> 00:21:22,865
right there on top of your radio.

318
00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:24,033
That's it.
(woman moaning)

319
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:27,036
Just place the part that's
ailing on the radio.

320
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,331
And now, let's heal.
(seat squeaking)

321
00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:33,501
Whatever it is that hurts,
make it stop hurting.

322
00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:36,170
What's stiff, make it limber.

323
00:21:36,170 --> 00:21:40,424
What's shrunken, make it large.
And what's been violated,

324
00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:42,927
make it whole again.

325
00:21:42,927 --> 00:21:46,347
We rest our case on thee.

326
00:21:46,347 --> 00:21:48,974
(gentle organ music continues)

327
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:51,560
(truck rattling)
(brakes squeaking)

328
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,437
(engine humming)

329
00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:55,523
(keys jangling)

330
00:21:56,857 --> 00:21:59,610
(door squeaking)

331
00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:05,699
(door clattering)

332
00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:10,204
(footsteps plodding)
(crickets chirping)

333
00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:15,376
♪ Glory to... ♪

334
00:22:15,376 --> 00:22:18,045
(gate creaking)

335
00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:25,219
♪ Playing on the radio ♪

336
00:22:25,219 --> 00:22:26,971
(footsteps plodding)
(crickets chirping)

337
00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:30,975
(vocalists singing indistinctly)

338
00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:36,772
(door squeaking and clattering)

339
00:22:41,235 --> 00:22:46,240
♪ Oh, come, ye brothers and sisters ♪

340
00:22:46,824 --> 00:22:49,118
♪ You're the folks ♪
(carton thudding)

341
00:22:49,118 --> 00:22:57,418
♪ We're going to heal today ♪

342
00:22:58,919 --> 00:23:01,505
- Now, wasn't that a lovely hymn,

343
00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:03,966
and didn't they sing it just wonderfully?

344
00:23:03,966 --> 00:23:06,969
Why, it's almost enough to
send shivers down your spine,

345
00:23:06,969 --> 00:23:10,431
brothers and sisters,
hearing such lovely music.

346
00:23:10,431 --> 00:23:12,600
And I also certainly hope you benefited

347
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,519
from tonight's marvelous healing service.

348
00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:18,522
For no matter how much
punishment we may take, friends,

349
00:23:18,522 --> 00:23:21,525
no matter how tortured, how assaulted,

350
00:23:21,525 --> 00:23:25,237
how pummeled our very
innermost beings may become,

351
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,281
no matter how much we may despair

352
00:23:27,281 --> 00:23:30,117
in the darkness of the lonely night,

353
00:23:30,117 --> 00:23:34,246
there can come a healing hand
to take that which was tired

354
00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:36,165
and give it new strength.

355
00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:38,792
And gee, isn't that wonderful?

356
00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:40,544
A marvelous feeling,

357
00:23:40,544 --> 00:23:42,379
and the very best of all,

358
00:23:42,379 --> 00:23:45,883
that which was dead,
bringing it new life!

359
00:23:45,883 --> 00:23:50,512
- There, Lamar, doesn't that
feel good, nice, and warm?

360
00:23:50,512 --> 00:23:53,641
- We conclude our broadcasting
day here at Rio Dio Radio

361
00:23:53,641 --> 00:23:55,684
in Rio Dio, Texas.

362
00:23:55,684 --> 00:23:58,520
This is your own sister, Eufaula Roop...

363
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,356
- All you need is a little rest, Lamar.

364
00:24:00,356 --> 00:24:01,941
- [Eufaula] Wishing you
a good night's sleep

365
00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:04,902
from the Salvation of the Southwest,

366
00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:06,278
healing you on AM,
(lips smacking)

367
00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:07,821
Healing you on FM.

368
00:24:07,821 --> 00:24:10,741
Healing you from one end
of the dial to the other,

369
00:24:10,741 --> 00:24:14,244
this is 100,000 watts
of down-home therapy,

370
00:24:14,286 --> 00:24:17,748
saying so long 'til tomorrow.

371
00:24:17,748 --> 00:24:21,335
(gentle organ music continues)

372
00:24:21,335 --> 00:24:23,837
(liquid sloshing)

373
00:24:28,926 --> 00:24:30,511
(bright music)

374
00:24:30,511 --> 00:24:34,056
- The dawn's early light
comes to Small Town every day,

375
00:24:34,056 --> 00:24:37,726
and with it, the events of the
night before are forgotten.

376
00:24:39,186 --> 00:24:42,773
Private enterprise, the
cornerstone of Small Town:

377
00:24:42,773 --> 00:24:43,607
(hook clanging)

378
00:24:43,607 --> 00:24:47,277
Junk Yard Sal helps architect
the American dream,

379
00:24:47,277 --> 00:24:48,779
(junk clattering)

380
00:24:48,779 --> 00:24:53,200
The discards of progress,
scrap iron into plowshares,

381
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,452
plowshares into Minutemen.

382
00:24:55,452 --> 00:24:58,872
Yesterday's Pontiac
becomes tomorrow's Polaris

383
00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:03,252
as Small Town arms the
nation; industry on the march,

384
00:25:03,252 --> 00:25:05,713
from steam engines to steam irons,

385
00:25:05,713 --> 00:25:07,589
from bicycles to bulldozers,

386
00:25:07,589 --> 00:25:10,843
and then onto the junk heap of history.

387
00:25:12,094 --> 00:25:14,930
There are big jobs to
be done in Small Town,

388
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:17,766
and Small Town has the men to do them.

389
00:25:17,766 --> 00:25:20,019
And there's no use lingering over bygones

390
00:25:20,019 --> 00:25:21,937
when it's off to work we go.

391
00:25:21,937 --> 00:25:24,106
(footsteps plodding)

392
00:25:24,148 --> 00:25:27,526
- Hey, Lamar, you forgot
your lunch bucket.

393
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,028
- Well, thank you.
- Oh.

394
00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:30,446
- Peanut butter again, I hope.

395
00:25:30,446 --> 00:25:31,989
(lips smacking)

396
00:25:33,657 --> 00:25:35,075
(Bucket clattering)
(mellow music)

397
00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:36,243
(horn honking)

398
00:25:36,243 --> 00:25:37,661
- Bye.
- So long.

399
00:25:41,832 --> 00:25:42,666
(door clattering)

400
00:25:44,001 --> 00:25:45,502
(engine humming)

401
00:25:45,502 --> 00:25:46,837
(footsteps plodding)

402
00:25:46,837 --> 00:25:50,674
(machine whirring)
(lazy music)

403
00:25:50,674 --> 00:25:53,635
Hey, Sal? Sal? Sorry I'm late.

404
00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:54,970
I'll put in some overtime tonight

405
00:25:54,970 --> 00:25:56,263
to make up for it.
- Okay.

406
00:25:56,263 --> 00:25:59,641
- It takes all kinds to
work at Junkyard Sal's.

407
00:25:59,641 --> 00:26:03,020
Like Zebulon, member of one
of the many minority groups

408
00:26:03,020 --> 00:26:06,356
in Small Town's bubbling melting pot.

409
00:26:06,356 --> 00:26:10,069
One day, his dream is to
own a junkyard of his own.

410
00:26:10,069 --> 00:26:14,448
Then there's Beau Badger and
his faithful sidekick, Tyrone.

411
00:26:14,448 --> 00:26:17,117
Beau's a redneck, lean and mean;

412
00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:21,330
Tyrone's a racist, crude,
rude, and tattooed;

413
00:26:21,330 --> 00:26:23,999
dropouts from the rat race of life,

414
00:26:23,999 --> 00:26:25,793
human flotsam,
(Tyrone whimpering)

415
00:26:25,793 --> 00:26:27,086
Useless roadblocks
(fart erupting)

416
00:26:27,086 --> 00:26:29,088
In the avenue of progress,

417
00:26:29,088 --> 00:26:31,882
bitterly envious of the lower classes,

418
00:26:31,882 --> 00:26:34,301
rejected by the volunteer army.

419
00:26:34,301 --> 00:26:37,304
Their choice in life is
a sad but simple one:

420
00:26:37,304 --> 00:26:40,599
the drunk tank or the scrap heap.

421
00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:42,434
But at Junk Yard Sal's,
(air whooshing)

422
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:45,312
They can find at last a useful purpose

423
00:26:45,312 --> 00:26:47,272
because even they can be recycled

424
00:26:47,272 --> 00:26:50,776
to be made useful again
in Sal's scheme of things.

425
00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:51,944
- No shit.

426
00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:55,697
- Junk Yard Sal's, a microcosm
of the industrial might

427
00:26:55,697 --> 00:26:57,157
that provides Small Town

428
00:26:57,157 --> 00:27:00,452
and the nation with
leisure time opportunities,

429
00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:02,246
leisure time to pursue the dream

430
00:27:02,246 --> 00:27:05,124
of every red-blooded girl in Small Town:

431
00:27:05,124 --> 00:27:09,253
the assault and seduction
of an innocent young stud.

432
00:27:09,253 --> 00:27:12,339
And who is our Lavonia
to ignore an old adage?

433
00:27:12,339 --> 00:27:15,384
Let's see, something
about the devil finds work

434
00:27:15,384 --> 00:27:18,220
for idle hands? (laughs)

435
00:27:18,220 --> 00:27:19,847
Or something like that.

436
00:27:19,847 --> 00:27:22,432
(mellow music)

437
00:27:28,897 --> 00:27:31,275
(water splashing)

438
00:27:48,750 --> 00:27:53,755
(water continues splashing)
(suspenseful music)

439
00:27:54,464 --> 00:27:56,300
(clothes rustling)

440
00:27:56,300 --> 00:27:59,887
(water splashing)
(zipper whizzing)

441
00:28:04,641 --> 00:28:09,646
(water sloshing)
(suspenseful music continues)

442
00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:13,650
(energetic music)

443
00:28:13,650 --> 00:28:14,484
- Mine!

444
00:28:16,570 --> 00:28:20,532
(Lavonia laughing)
(Rhett whimpering)

445
00:28:20,532 --> 00:28:22,492
(Lavonia screams)

446
00:28:22,492 --> 00:28:23,368
(water splashing)
(Lavonia laughing)

447
00:28:23,368 --> 00:28:25,287
- In the words of Lavonia,

448
00:28:25,287 --> 00:28:28,749
"Give me the boy and I'll
give you back the man."

449
00:28:28,749 --> 00:28:31,919
But even with such an
enthusiastic instructor,

450
00:28:31,919 --> 00:28:34,671
a young man's first
lesson in human sexuality

451
00:28:34,671 --> 00:28:37,007
are often a matter of sink or swim.

452
00:28:37,925 --> 00:28:40,260
Should he be plunged at
once into the deepest waters

453
00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:43,680
of carnal knowledge, or
encouraged to splash about

454
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:47,768
while building his courage
in the shallows of foreplay?

455
00:28:47,768 --> 00:28:51,313
Lavonia has an unusual
approach, to say the least.

456
00:28:53,023 --> 00:28:55,692
And so, in the murky waters of desire,

457
00:28:55,692 --> 00:28:59,947
first the unrestrained assault,
then the subtle seduction.

458
00:28:59,947 --> 00:29:01,698
It's good to be a fast learner,

459
00:29:01,698 --> 00:29:03,992
but young men are too quick to learn.

460
00:29:03,992 --> 00:29:07,621
But in Lavonia's judgment,
it is far more fruitful

461
00:29:07,621 --> 00:29:09,873
to mother, to nurture a young lad

462
00:29:09,873 --> 00:29:13,126
with encouragement on
the sandbar of dalliance

463
00:29:13,126 --> 00:29:15,587
just before unleashing the wild ecstasies

464
00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:18,340
of the final examination.

465
00:29:18,340 --> 00:29:22,094
Folks in Small Town play hard,
and they work hard, too.

466
00:29:22,094 --> 00:29:25,389
They like to be doing
something hard all the time.

467
00:29:25,389 --> 00:29:27,182
- Come on, let me give you a hand.

468
00:29:27,182 --> 00:29:28,183
(crowbar clanging)

469
00:29:29,685 --> 00:29:31,311
(door clattering)

470
00:29:31,311 --> 00:29:32,521
(machine whirring)

471
00:29:32,521 --> 00:29:34,982
- Never send a man to do a woman's job.

472
00:29:34,982 --> 00:29:36,441
- Now, stand back.

473
00:29:36,441 --> 00:29:37,276
(hook thudding)

474
00:29:37,276 --> 00:29:38,986
- [Narrator] That's Junk Yard Sal's motto

475
00:29:38,986 --> 00:29:41,571
and she's backed it up
with spectacular success

476
00:29:41,571 --> 00:29:44,574
in the scrap iron industry.
(gear stick clattering)

477
00:29:45,409 --> 00:29:46,576
(machine whirring)

478
00:29:46,576 --> 00:29:49,329
- Lamar, get your ass
away from that car door.

479
00:29:49,329 --> 00:29:52,624
(machine whirring)
(adventurous music)

480
00:29:52,624 --> 00:29:55,210
(door clattering)

481
00:29:55,210 --> 00:29:59,047
- As a scrap iron
entrepreneur opening new doors

482
00:29:59,047 --> 00:30:01,258
for women in all lines of work,

483
00:30:01,258 --> 00:30:05,053
Sal is a sexual pioneer way
out there in the front lines

484
00:30:05,053 --> 00:30:07,681
of women's liberation.

485
00:30:07,681 --> 00:30:09,099
- You really know how to handle this place.

486
00:30:09,099 --> 00:30:11,101
- You seem kind of peaked today, Lamar.

487
00:30:11,101 --> 00:30:12,436
You get enough rest last night?

488
00:30:12,436 --> 00:30:13,395
- Had a great night's sleep.

489
00:30:13,437 --> 00:30:15,314
- Bet Lamar's horny young chick gets

490
00:30:15,355 --> 00:30:18,817
all the rest she needs.
- I bet so, too, Beau.

491
00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:21,445
- I'd sure like to give
her a sleepless night.

492
00:30:21,445 --> 00:30:23,572
- Yeah, a sleepless night. (laughs)

493
00:30:23,572 --> 00:30:24,614
- What do you say, Lamar?

494
00:30:24,614 --> 00:30:27,451
Why don't you step over to the office,

495
00:30:27,451 --> 00:30:29,578
grab a little shuteye?

496
00:30:29,578 --> 00:30:31,913
(bed creaking)

497
00:30:31,913 --> 00:30:33,915
It's got a nice big bed.

498
00:30:36,335 --> 00:30:38,837
- No, honestly, Sal, I feel neat.

499
00:30:38,837 --> 00:30:39,921
(breasts squeaking)

500
00:30:39,921 --> 00:30:40,881
- Scared of the boss?

501
00:30:40,881 --> 00:30:42,466
- No, it's just that I
got a lot on my mind,

502
00:30:42,466 --> 00:30:44,384
what with my correspondence school course

503
00:30:44,384 --> 00:30:47,971
and everything.
- Correspondence school, shit.

504
00:30:47,971 --> 00:30:49,806
- You said it, Beau, shit.

505
00:30:49,806 --> 00:30:51,933
- Just trying to improve my lot in life,

506
00:30:51,933 --> 00:30:55,145
make a little more money,
get an extra job at night.

507
00:30:55,145 --> 00:30:58,023
- Anytime you wanna put a
little overtime in, Lamar...

508
00:30:59,358 --> 00:31:00,609
(jeans rustling)

509
00:31:00,609 --> 00:31:02,944
- Yeah, sure, Sal, I'll know where to go.

510
00:31:02,944 --> 00:31:03,779
(hand thudding)

511
00:31:03,779 --> 00:31:05,822
- Meanwhile, back on the Pecos,

512
00:31:05,822 --> 00:31:08,158
in the School of Bucolic Dalliance,

513
00:31:08,158 --> 00:31:11,745
young Rhett passes with
flying colors and a B .

514
00:31:11,745 --> 00:31:12,871
(water splashing)
(Lavonia moaning)

515
00:31:12,871 --> 00:31:16,291
The satisfied and dedicated
instructress Lavonia has opened

516
00:31:16,291 --> 00:31:18,919
up broad new vistas of athletic endeavor

517
00:31:18,919 --> 00:31:21,254
for her gratified student.

518
00:31:21,254 --> 00:31:22,964
- What's your name?

519
00:31:24,216 --> 00:31:25,509
- My name's Rhett, ma'am.

520
00:31:25,509 --> 00:31:28,762
- Oh, what a nice name.
(water sloshing)

521
00:31:28,762 --> 00:31:31,765
How old are you? Mm.

522
00:31:31,765 --> 00:31:33,558
- I'm 14, ma'am.
- I never had

523
00:31:33,558 --> 00:31:38,563
a 14-year-old joint-- I mean, a
boy named Rhett before, yeah.

524
00:31:39,606 --> 00:31:42,692
(triumphant music)

525
00:31:42,692 --> 00:31:45,404
Rhett's got a lot of size for his size.

526
00:31:45,404 --> 00:31:46,238
- I'd like you to show--

527
00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:48,657
- Look at that kiss-ass Lamar.

528
00:31:48,657 --> 00:31:50,992
- Yeah, Beau, kiss-ass.

529
00:31:50,992 --> 00:31:54,287
- Now, you stop criticizing Lamar that way.

530
00:31:54,287 --> 00:31:55,831
- Man, why does he have to go talking

531
00:31:55,831 --> 00:31:57,499
shit like that?
- Shit like what?

532
00:31:57,499 --> 00:31:59,126
- Sticking up for Lamar

533
00:31:59,126 --> 00:32:01,878
when you know he's just
the boss lady's new stud.

534
00:32:01,878 --> 00:32:03,171
- New stud, yeah.
(feet thudding)

535
00:32:03,171 --> 00:32:05,090
- I'm not gonna listen to
that kind of talk anymore.

536
00:32:05,090 --> 00:32:06,883
And besides, I've got my job to do.

537
00:32:06,883 --> 00:32:10,637
- I don't see why Zebulon has
to stand up for that candy-ass

538
00:32:10,637 --> 00:32:11,805
he calls a friend.

539
00:32:11,805 --> 00:32:14,349
- Yeah, Beau, candy-ass friend.

540
00:32:14,349 --> 00:32:16,977
- Now, I don't wanna hear you
talk about Lamar that way,

541
00:32:16,977 --> 00:32:18,186
or any friend of mine.

542
00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:20,480
- Zebulon, you in such
bad need of a friend?

543
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:22,315
- Oh, I'm not gonna talk
to you white trash anymore.

544
00:32:22,357 --> 00:32:25,444
Fuck yourself.
(dramatic music)

545
00:32:25,444 --> 00:32:27,279
Obscene rednecks.

546
00:32:27,279 --> 00:32:28,488
(footsteps plodding)

547
00:32:28,488 --> 00:32:29,823
(crowbar clanging)

548
00:32:30,782 --> 00:32:31,616
(cart thudding)

549
00:32:31,616 --> 00:32:32,451
(fist thudding)

550
00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:34,369
- Zebulon!

551
00:32:36,955 --> 00:32:38,790
(whistle blaring)

552
00:32:38,790 --> 00:32:42,461
- Okay, guys, knock it off
before somebody gets hurt.

553
00:32:42,461 --> 00:32:45,422
(suspenseful music)

554
00:32:48,175 --> 00:32:49,885
- See there, Tyrone?

555
00:32:49,885 --> 00:32:50,927
(hat rustling)

556
00:32:52,471 --> 00:32:56,975
I always told you Zebulon
had a lot of white blood in him.

557
00:32:56,975 --> 00:32:59,728
- Yeah, a lot of white blood.

558
00:32:59,728 --> 00:33:02,689
(engine humming)

559
00:33:02,689 --> 00:33:04,691
- The last stand of free enterprise:

560
00:33:04,691 --> 00:33:07,444
Semper Fidelis, door-to-door salesman.

561
00:33:07,444 --> 00:33:10,405
While others risk coronaries
behind their desks,

562
00:33:10,405 --> 00:33:12,866
he takes to the open road.
(jaunty music)

563
00:33:12,866 --> 00:33:15,660
Fidelis is the most successful
door-to-door salesman

564
00:33:15,660 --> 00:33:17,913
in Small Town, USA.

565
00:33:17,913 --> 00:33:19,539
Maybe that's because he doesn't sell

566
00:33:19,539 --> 00:33:22,250
the same tired old items--
the greeting cards,

567
00:33:22,250 --> 00:33:24,878
toiletries, and vacuum cleaner brushes--

568
00:33:24,878 --> 00:33:28,465
But bizarre lingerie by
Frederico's of Wisconsin,

569
00:33:28,465 --> 00:33:30,967
the famed establishment that
has inflamed the fantasies

570
00:33:30,967 --> 00:33:32,052
of the middle class
(brush rasping)

571
00:33:32,052 --> 00:33:34,095
For more than a generation.

572
00:33:34,095 --> 00:33:34,971
(hand knocking)

573
00:33:34,971 --> 00:33:38,099
And how convenient to make a
selection right in the privacy

574
00:33:38,099 --> 00:33:39,935
of your own living room.

575
00:33:40,977 --> 00:33:42,437
(hand knocking)

576
00:33:42,437 --> 00:33:44,231
- Oh, uh, good afternoon, ma'am.

577
00:33:44,231 --> 00:33:45,732
I'd like to introduce myself to you.

578
00:33:45,732 --> 00:33:48,109
I'm Semper Fidelis, and
I'm from Frederico's.

579
00:33:48,109 --> 00:33:48,944
(crotch creaking)

580
00:33:48,944 --> 00:33:50,111
You know, the lingerie firm?

581
00:33:50,111 --> 00:33:52,239
And we're introducing
our brand new spring line

582
00:33:52,239 --> 00:33:54,407
to a selected group of
ladies like yourself.

583
00:33:54,407 --> 00:33:56,034
And I'm sure I'll have something in here

584
00:33:56,034 --> 00:33:57,786
that you'll find particularly interesting,

585
00:33:57,786 --> 00:34:00,455
yes, particularly interesting for you.

586
00:34:00,455 --> 00:34:02,666
(Lavonia moaning)
(whistle trilling)

587
00:34:02,666 --> 00:34:05,085
(mellow music)

588
00:34:05,919 --> 00:34:08,255
(Lavonia moaning)

589
00:34:08,255 --> 00:34:09,714
(seat creaking)

590
00:34:09,714 --> 00:34:12,008
(trampoline clattering)

591
00:34:12,008 --> 00:34:14,761
(crotch squeaking)

592
00:34:14,761 --> 00:34:16,972
- Oh, oh.

593
00:34:16,972 --> 00:34:18,807
- Piece de resistance!

594
00:34:20,892 --> 00:34:23,770
- A satin dress?

595
00:34:23,770 --> 00:34:28,400
(gasps) Rhinestone. Purdy.

596
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:31,278
A beautiful wig.

597
00:34:31,278 --> 00:34:33,488
Oh, a gold necklace.

598
00:34:34,447 --> 00:34:35,574
A choker?

599
00:34:36,992 --> 00:34:39,411
"Spanish Made Simple"?
(mellow horn music)

600
00:34:39,411 --> 00:34:43,039
I could do a little
moonlighting in this outfit.

601
00:34:43,039 --> 00:34:44,624
- [Semper Fidelis]
Sure as my mama named me

602
00:34:44,624 --> 00:34:47,502
Semper Fidelis, your own
husband wouldn't recognize you.

603
00:34:47,502 --> 00:34:50,672
- Oh, Lamar... Lamar, shit, oh!

604
00:34:50,672 --> 00:34:51,631
(cymbals clanging)

605
00:34:51,631 --> 00:34:53,049
Hey, amigo!
(body thudding)

606
00:34:53,049 --> 00:34:56,595
I'm interested to know what
you have in that other box.

607
00:34:56,595 --> 00:34:58,555
- Oh, I don't believe
madam would be interested

608
00:34:58,555 --> 00:34:59,764
in that case over there.

609
00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:02,517
- Oh, yes, I would.
- Well, the items in that case

610
00:35:02,517 --> 00:35:05,270
are for our, uh, male customers.

611
00:35:05,270 --> 00:35:07,480
- [Lavonia] You mean faggots wear this?

612
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:10,817
- Ooh, I do have something
I'd like to show you.

613
00:35:10,817 --> 00:35:12,402
- Like what?
- Bust development pump

614
00:35:12,402 --> 00:35:14,821
by Frederico's of Wisconsin.

615
00:35:14,821 --> 00:35:16,865
You just attach it to your kitchen faucet.

616
00:35:16,865 --> 00:35:19,701
Uh, let me show you. May I?

617
00:35:22,912 --> 00:35:23,747
(air whooshing)

618
00:35:25,081 --> 00:35:27,709
- A bust developer for me?

619
00:35:27,709 --> 00:35:29,002
Sexist asshole.

620
00:35:31,254 --> 00:35:33,882
- I meant no offense.
- Mr. Fidelis,

621
00:35:33,882 --> 00:35:36,051
do you make them for men?

622
00:35:36,051 --> 00:35:37,135
- A bust developer for men?

623
00:35:37,135 --> 00:35:40,555
- Not for their bust,
dummy, to make them larger...

624
00:35:42,682 --> 00:35:44,434
Much bigger!
(product clanging)

625
00:35:44,434 --> 00:35:46,519
- Ooh, what an intriguing idea.

626
00:35:46,519 --> 00:35:49,230
I'll have to take that up with
the home office in Racine.

627
00:35:49,230 --> 00:35:50,815
(mellow music)

628
00:35:50,815 --> 00:35:54,694
- The rye is fine, the
crotch less panties, divine.

629
00:35:54,694 --> 00:35:56,279
- I'm not wealthy or renowned,

630
00:35:56,279 --> 00:35:58,490
but I get my share of pussy
in this here town.

631
00:35:58,490 --> 00:36:00,950
- Garter belts cute and rhymes with root.

632
00:36:00,950 --> 00:36:01,785
(crotch creaking)

633
00:36:01,785 --> 00:36:04,245
And since I darned these fishnet hose,

634
00:36:04,245 --> 00:36:07,290
I can see how your affection grows.

635
00:36:07,290 --> 00:36:09,668
- When it comes to bodies, you're a star.

636
00:36:09,668 --> 00:36:12,462
Thank God I got another pair
of britches out in the car.

637
00:36:12,462 --> 00:36:14,798
- Minis hot, toes are hard.

638
00:36:14,798 --> 00:36:16,925
Why don't you take a credit card?

639
00:36:16,925 --> 00:36:18,927
- When it comes to paying,
miss, I'm your man.

640
00:36:18,927 --> 00:36:20,428
Let's work out an installment plan.

641
00:36:20,428 --> 00:36:24,933
(Lavonia screaming)
(Semper Fidelis grunting)

642
00:36:27,936 --> 00:36:29,604
And you can take that to the bank.

643
00:36:31,314 --> 00:36:34,192
(upbeat music)

644
00:36:34,192 --> 00:36:35,026
(tape clanking)

645
00:36:36,319 --> 00:36:39,739
(upbeat music continues)

646
00:36:44,703 --> 00:36:45,954
- [Zebulon] Hey, Lamar, where you going?

647
00:36:45,954 --> 00:36:47,080
- Straight home, Zebulon.

648
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:48,957
- [Zebulon] Uh-huh, you
ain't going nowhere.

649
00:36:48,957 --> 00:36:50,917
Boss lady wants to see you.

650
00:36:50,917 --> 00:36:53,628
(footsteps plodding)

651
00:36:53,628 --> 00:36:55,171
- I guess this means overtime.

652
00:36:55,171 --> 00:36:58,049
- Hardly the end of an
eventful day for Lamar.

653
00:36:58,049 --> 00:37:00,343
But the busy worker is a happy worker,

654
00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:02,762
and the happy worker has a busy boss,

655
00:37:02,762 --> 00:37:05,390
and the busy worker makes a happy boss.

656
00:37:07,183 --> 00:37:09,436
It's all well and good
for Lamar to fuck his way

657
00:37:09,436 --> 00:37:10,812
through correspondence school,

658
00:37:10,812 --> 00:37:14,023
as long as he doesn't forget
he's a rear window man.

659
00:37:14,023 --> 00:37:16,276
Sometimes opportunity knocks but once,

660
00:37:16,276 --> 00:37:18,903
something Junk Yard Sal
has made abundantly clear.

661
00:37:18,903 --> 00:37:21,364
- Lamar, honey, why don't
y'all come on inside,

662
00:37:21,364 --> 00:37:22,949
take a load off your feet?

663
00:37:22,949 --> 00:37:23,783
- Uh,

664
00:37:26,202 --> 00:37:29,539
uh, Sal, I gotta be gettin' on home.

665
00:37:29,539 --> 00:37:31,207
I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

666
00:37:31,207 --> 00:37:32,917
- [Narrator] And consider
that Lamar's future

667
00:37:32,917 --> 00:37:36,296
hangs in the balance.
(whistle blaring)

668
00:37:36,296 --> 00:37:38,840
- [Lamar] Fuck, Sal, I
only got one way to go.

669
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:40,550
- One way at a time is enough for me.

670
00:37:41,676 --> 00:37:44,053
Inside, Lamar, or you gonna find

671
00:37:44,053 --> 00:37:46,389
your ass drawing unemployment checks.

672
00:37:49,017 --> 00:37:49,976
(feet shuffling)

673
00:37:49,976 --> 00:37:51,728
Mm, motherfucker. (grunts)

674
00:37:52,771 --> 00:37:54,981
- [DJ] Rising from the
smoldering ashes of rebellion

675
00:37:54,981 --> 00:37:57,066
♪ Ba, ba, boom, deez ♪
(metal clanging)

676
00:37:57,066 --> 00:37:59,319
♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, dee ♪

677
00:37:59,319 --> 00:38:00,403
- [DJ] Spread with the speed of--

678
00:38:00,403 --> 00:38:01,738
- Come on, let's watch.

679
00:38:01,738 --> 00:38:03,698
- Yeah, Beau, let's watch.

680
00:38:03,698 --> 00:38:05,658
- [DJ] Gathered power and force,

681
00:38:05,658 --> 00:38:07,911
feeding on itself, a firestorm

682
00:38:07,911 --> 00:38:09,829
of a new moral conception.

683
00:38:09,829 --> 00:38:10,872
(bells tolling)

684
00:38:10,872 --> 00:38:14,626
(DJ speaking indistinctly)
(bells continues tolling)

685
00:38:16,669 --> 00:38:17,921
- Beau, I bet--
- Shhh.

686
00:38:17,921 --> 00:38:20,340
- [DJ] The holocaust that had
developed this tiny island

687
00:38:20,340 --> 00:38:23,968
burst forth in similar
conflagrations all over the globe.

688
00:38:23,968 --> 00:38:24,803
(doorknobs clattering)

689
00:38:24,803 --> 00:38:27,680
Born of the same torment,
a document that altered

690
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:29,140
the fate of oppressed millions,

691
00:38:29,140 --> 00:38:29,974
(breasts dinging)

692
00:38:29,974 --> 00:38:32,894
The Emancipation Proclamation
signaled the abolition

693
00:38:32,894 --> 00:38:35,730
of slavery in the United
States of America.

694
00:38:35,730 --> 00:38:39,567
- What to do? I cooperate or lose my job.

695
00:38:39,567 --> 00:38:42,070
- Lamar has a simple choice:

696
00:38:42,070 --> 00:38:44,030
either he comes across in the sack,

697
00:38:44,030 --> 00:38:46,616
or it's goodbye correspondence school.

698
00:38:46,616 --> 00:38:49,494
But when you're the boss
lady, who's going to argue?

699
00:38:49,494 --> 00:38:52,121
- Men and music go together.

700
00:38:52,121 --> 00:38:52,956
(radio warbling)

701
00:38:52,956 --> 00:38:54,207
(gentle organ music)

702
00:38:54,207 --> 00:38:55,416
Get to work, Lamar.

703
00:38:55,416 --> 00:38:56,835
(vagina squelching)

704
00:38:56,835 --> 00:38:59,754
(Lamar whimpering)

705
00:39:01,756 --> 00:39:06,678
- Rio Dio Radio, Salvation
of the Southwest,

706
00:39:06,678 --> 00:39:10,348
100,000 watts healing with faith.

707
00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:12,725
Your salvation, too, brothers and sisters,

708
00:39:12,725 --> 00:39:14,978
if you love solace and succor.

709
00:39:14,978 --> 00:39:15,812
(whistle trilling)

710
00:39:15,812 --> 00:39:18,898
That's right, friends, and
if you love one another.

711
00:39:18,898 --> 00:39:21,484
Yes, this is Sister Eufaula Roop.

712
00:39:22,402 --> 00:39:24,612
- Easy, Sal, watch it, watch it.

713
00:39:25,780 --> 00:39:26,865
Oh, hey.

714
00:39:26,865 --> 00:39:28,408
- There we go.
- Dammit, watch it.

715
00:39:28,449 --> 00:39:30,618
- This is our afternoon healing session,

716
00:39:30,618 --> 00:39:33,413
an afternoon of solace and succor.

717
00:39:33,413 --> 00:39:34,873
But before we commence with it,

718
00:39:34,873 --> 00:39:38,710
I'd like to ask you this
very personal question.

719
00:39:38,710 --> 00:39:41,462
Have you received your Mount Rushmore

720
00:39:41,462 --> 00:39:44,465
and Holy Land satin
occasional pillows yet?

721
00:39:44,465 --> 00:39:47,844
Folks from all over our
38-state listening area

722
00:39:47,844 --> 00:39:50,054
have been writing in with repeat,

723
00:39:50,054 --> 00:39:54,225
yes, I said repeat orders
for these lovely pillows.

724
00:39:54,225 --> 00:39:56,352
They just can't get enough of them.

725
00:39:56,352 --> 00:39:59,981
If you haven't ordered yours,
listen to this description

726
00:39:59,981 --> 00:40:03,276
and see if you can resist the opportunity

727
00:40:03,276 --> 00:40:06,446
to own your own set of Mount Rushmore

728
00:40:06,446 --> 00:40:09,449
and Holy Land satin occasional pillows,

729
00:40:09,449 --> 00:40:13,202
(Lamar whimpering)
(Sal laughing)

730
00:40:13,202 --> 00:40:17,457
Yes, George Washington, Abraham
Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt,

731
00:40:17,457 --> 00:40:20,585
and Aaron Burr gaze out
at you in the privacy

732
00:40:20,585 --> 00:40:22,795
of your own living room.

733
00:40:22,795 --> 00:40:24,547
(Lamar whimpering)

734
00:40:24,547 --> 00:40:25,715
- Dammit, girl, I told you
(Sal moaning)

735
00:40:25,715 --> 00:40:27,800
This just ain't the way I do it!

736
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:28,801
This isn't...
- All right.

737
00:40:28,801 --> 00:40:30,428
- What I like to do.

738
00:40:30,428 --> 00:40:33,598
- ...Dead Sea, Noah's Ark,
and the Wailing Wall,

739
00:40:33,598 --> 00:40:35,516
bringing the good book to life right--

740
00:40:35,516 --> 00:40:37,352
- Dammit, Sal.
(Sal moaning)

741
00:40:37,352 --> 00:40:38,937
I just don't do it this way.

742
00:40:38,937 --> 00:40:39,896
Now wait.
(feet smacking)

743
00:40:39,896 --> 00:40:41,856
- Right on.
- No, wait, I tell you.

744
00:40:43,358 --> 00:40:44,192
No, no, no.
(feet smacking)

745
00:40:44,192 --> 00:40:47,654
- Just send cash or a bonafide
U.S. postal money order

746
00:40:47,654 --> 00:40:50,823
and your name and address,
but no stamps or personal checks...

747
00:40:50,823 --> 00:40:52,033
(Lamar whimpering)
(Sal laughing)

748
00:40:52,033 --> 00:40:55,328
To "Pillow," Rio Dio, Texas.

749
00:40:55,328 --> 00:40:57,163
And now, friends, yes, it's time

750
00:40:57,163 --> 00:40:59,415
for our afternoon healing session.

751
00:40:59,415 --> 00:41:00,583
- Honey, what you doing?
- And as always,

752
00:41:00,583 --> 00:41:03,920
Radio Rio Dio's electronic miracle,

753
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:05,505
the laying on of radio...

754
00:41:05,505 --> 00:41:07,006
- I warned you, Sal.

755
00:41:07,006 --> 00:41:08,883
I wanna get one more--
- Oh, no, you don't.

756
00:41:08,883 --> 00:41:09,842
(Lamar screaming)

757
00:41:09,842 --> 00:41:11,094
(body thudding)
- And then we pray

758
00:41:11,094 --> 00:41:14,138
that what was split
asunder be made whole again,

759
00:41:14,138 --> 00:41:16,307
that what was weak be made strong,

760
00:41:16,307 --> 00:41:18,351
that what was short be made long,

761
00:41:18,351 --> 00:41:21,229
and what was insatiable, satiated.

762
00:41:21,229 --> 00:41:23,439
- Okay, have it your way, Lamar.

763
00:41:23,439 --> 00:41:26,109
(spring twanging)
(Lamar moaning)

764
00:41:26,109 --> 00:41:26,943
(hand thudding)

765
00:41:28,319 --> 00:41:30,863
- My sisters and brothers,
if you have trouble...

766
00:41:30,863 --> 00:41:35,827
(Lamar moaning)
(spring twanging)

767
00:41:41,666 --> 00:41:44,168
(Tyrone gasping)

768
00:41:44,168 --> 00:41:45,837
(Tyrone sneezing)
(glass shattering)

769
00:41:45,837 --> 00:41:47,964
(spring twanging)

770
00:41:47,964 --> 00:41:49,257
- Beau!

771
00:41:49,257 --> 00:41:50,091
- Tyrone!

772
00:41:50,091 --> 00:41:50,925
(Tyrone whimpering)

773
00:41:50,925 --> 00:41:52,927
I'm gonna whoop your ass!

774
00:41:52,927 --> 00:41:55,263
- [Eufaula] Salvation of the Southwest.

775
00:41:56,222 --> 00:41:58,016
(door clattering and squeaking)

776
00:41:58,016 --> 00:41:59,142
- Y'all come here!

777
00:42:01,102 --> 00:42:03,438
(Lamar grunting)
(bodies thudding)

778
00:42:04,647 --> 00:42:07,150
(fist dinging)

779
00:42:07,150 --> 00:42:09,777
(fist clanging)

780
00:42:09,819 --> 00:42:11,988
Beau Badger, you've been asking for that,

781
00:42:11,988 --> 00:42:13,740
you envious son of a bitch.

782
00:42:14,991 --> 00:42:17,160
Now for you, Tyrone.

783
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:20,788
(suspenseful music)

784
00:42:20,788 --> 00:42:23,708
(footsteps plodding)

785
00:42:24,876 --> 00:42:27,545
(rambling music)

786
00:42:27,545 --> 00:42:29,881
(feet shuffling)

787
00:42:29,881 --> 00:42:30,798
(hand thudding)
(Tyrone gasps)

788
00:42:30,798 --> 00:42:32,216
What's your hurry, Tyrone?

789
00:42:32,216 --> 00:42:33,092
- I'm not in a hurry.

790
00:42:33,092 --> 00:42:34,719
It's just getting late
and I have to be going.

791
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:35,511
(knife clanking)

792
00:42:35,511 --> 00:42:37,263
Don't fuck around with
me, I don't like it.

793
00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:38,097
(Lamar grunts)

794
00:42:38,097 --> 00:42:39,015
(downcast music)

795
00:42:39,015 --> 00:42:40,058
(fist thudding)

796
00:42:40,058 --> 00:42:43,436
- Go on, take that, Tyrone,
you yellow-bellied coward.

797
00:42:43,436 --> 00:42:45,396
- Push that time clock for the last time,

798
00:42:45,396 --> 00:42:46,689
you peeping creeps.

799
00:42:46,689 --> 00:42:49,901
If there's anything I can't
stand, it's goddamn pre-verts.

800
00:42:49,901 --> 00:42:53,321
And that goes for you, too,
Lamar, until you see it my way.

801
00:42:53,321 --> 00:42:56,491
I can't stand a man who won't
look a good fuck in the eye.

802
00:42:56,491 --> 00:42:59,285
(gentle organ music)

803
00:42:59,285 --> 00:43:00,995
- And so, dear friends,

804
00:43:00,995 --> 00:43:04,415
if you've got your afflicted
part on the radio together

805
00:43:04,415 --> 00:43:06,042
with your Holy Rushmore
(radio thudding)

806
00:43:06,042 --> 00:43:09,212
Satin pillow, join me now in reprising

807
00:43:09,212 --> 00:43:12,090
that wonderful favorite hymn of mine,

808
00:43:12,090 --> 00:43:14,509
"Succor Me, Succor Me."

809
00:43:14,509 --> 00:43:16,427
(gentle organ music continues)

810
00:43:16,427 --> 00:43:17,512
(Sal grunting)

811
00:43:17,512 --> 00:43:18,346
(clothes thudding)

812
00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:21,432
- [Sal] Asshole!
(lunchbox thudding)

813
00:43:23,643 --> 00:43:26,312
(upbeat music)

814
00:43:33,986 --> 00:43:36,948
(lunchbox clattering)

815
00:43:38,658 --> 00:43:40,159
(door squeaking)

816
00:43:41,369 --> 00:43:42,286
(door clattering)

817
00:43:42,286 --> 00:43:44,664
(engine humming)

818
00:43:51,796 --> 00:43:54,715
- Lamar must keep asking
himself why he's burdened

819
00:43:54,715 --> 00:43:56,509
with this cross to bear.

820
00:43:56,509 --> 00:43:58,970
And days like today add insult to injury

821
00:43:58,970 --> 00:44:01,931
to a man like Shedd, who
asks little more from life

822
00:44:01,931 --> 00:44:05,226
than a correspondence school
diploma and connubial bliss

823
00:44:05,226 --> 00:44:07,270
with the pneumatic Lavonia.
(calculator beeping)

824
00:44:07,311 --> 00:44:10,106
Small wonder then that
Lamar joins Small Town

825
00:44:10,106 --> 00:44:14,277
and the nation in proclaiming,
“Thank God it's Friday.”

826
00:44:14,277 --> 00:44:17,155
(mellow music)

827
00:44:17,155 --> 00:44:20,658
Show business: there's
no business like it,

828
00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:23,369
not even in easygoing Small Town.

829
00:44:23,369 --> 00:44:26,873
And the local superstar is Lola Langusta,

830
00:44:26,873 --> 00:44:29,959
the hottest tamale
south of the Rio Grande,

831
00:44:29,959 --> 00:44:32,837
her maddening body beating out a tattoo

832
00:44:32,837 --> 00:44:35,339
on the libido of her sweaty audience.

833
00:44:35,339 --> 00:44:37,425
(cymbals clanging)
Lola Langusta,

834
00:44:37,425 --> 00:44:39,844
a gringo audience-pleaser;
(Lavonia laughing)

835
00:44:39,844 --> 00:44:42,847
numero uno, yes, sir.

836
00:44:42,847 --> 00:44:46,559
Number one, as they say down Mexico way.

837
00:44:50,897 --> 00:44:52,148
(watch clanking)

838
00:44:52,148 --> 00:44:53,149
(engine humming)

839
00:44:53,149 --> 00:44:55,610
Well, Lamar is a few minutes late.

840
00:44:55,610 --> 00:44:59,030
Instead of heading straight
home to the bosom of his family,

841
00:44:59,030 --> 00:45:02,033
Small Town's all-American
working man can't resist

842
00:45:02,033 --> 00:45:05,786
a refreshing pause and
a long, cool tall one.

843
00:45:06,662 --> 00:45:10,666
But why this place of all
the watering holes in town?

844
00:45:10,666 --> 00:45:14,086
Fate, or have the rigors
of the day turned Lamar

845
00:45:14,086 --> 00:45:17,089
on to the intrigue that lurks within?

846
00:45:17,089 --> 00:45:19,675
(mellow music)

847
00:45:25,431 --> 00:45:26,349
(door slamming)

848
00:45:28,267 --> 00:45:29,227
(dress rasping)

849
00:45:30,228 --> 00:45:34,815
(Lavonia moans)
(mellow music continues)

850
00:45:34,815 --> 00:45:37,902
(footsteps tapping)

851
00:45:41,155 --> 00:45:44,492
- Oh.
(mellow music continues)

852
00:45:57,505 --> 00:45:59,840
(footsteps tapping)

853
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:01,801
(door squeaking)

854
00:46:04,637 --> 00:46:06,722
(saliva squelching)

855
00:46:08,099 --> 00:46:11,477
(mellow music continues)

856
00:46:20,611 --> 00:46:21,570
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

857
00:46:23,281 --> 00:46:24,198
- I'd like some beer.

858
00:46:26,367 --> 00:46:27,618
- Mm.

859
00:46:27,618 --> 00:46:29,245
(lips smacking)

860
00:46:35,626 --> 00:46:37,044
(Lavonia moaning)
(mellow music continues)

861
00:46:37,044 --> 00:46:40,923
- That Lola Langusta looks like
one pretty familiar tamale.

862
00:46:40,923 --> 00:46:42,758
As a matter of fact, she's a dead ringer

863
00:46:42,758 --> 00:46:45,052
for Lavonia, Lamar's old lady.

864
00:46:45,052 --> 00:46:47,263
Well, let me see...
- That'll be two bucks.

865
00:46:47,263 --> 00:46:48,848
- Maybe the hair is a little different,

866
00:46:48,848 --> 00:46:50,683
but you'll see that's Lavonia herself

867
00:46:50,683 --> 00:46:52,852
under all that war paint.

868
00:46:52,852 --> 00:46:55,479
If you'll just search
your memory a little,

869
00:46:55,479 --> 00:46:57,106
maybe you'll remember that she ran

870
00:46:57,106 --> 00:47:00,276
into a Frederico's of
Wisconsin lingerie drummer,

871
00:47:00,276 --> 00:47:04,780
Semper Fidelis, who planted
a seed in Lavonia's mind,

872
00:47:04,780 --> 00:47:06,907
an idea, a way to maybe get

873
00:47:06,907 --> 00:47:09,618
around Lamar's bizarre sexual leanings

874
00:47:09,618 --> 00:47:12,413
and set him back on the
straight and narrow again.

875
00:47:12,413 --> 00:47:14,457
All it would take,
Lavonia figured, would be

876
00:47:14,457 --> 00:47:17,752
a clever disguise and some
disarming Mexican lingo

877
00:47:17,752 --> 00:47:20,755
sexy enough to turn Lamar around.

878
00:47:20,755 --> 00:47:22,214
But even so, wouldn't you think

879
00:47:22,214 --> 00:47:25,718
a guy would recognize his
own old lady, even in a wig?

880
00:47:26,594 --> 00:47:28,721
I guess what you gotta
keep in mind here is

881
00:47:28,721 --> 00:47:30,306
that we're dealing with a guy

882
00:47:30,306 --> 00:47:33,184
who only has an IQ of about 37.

883
00:47:34,602 --> 00:47:38,105
(mellow music continues)

884
00:47:39,231 --> 00:47:40,066
(hand knocking)

885
00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:42,234
(glass thudding)

886
00:47:42,234 --> 00:47:43,152
(fart erupting)

887
00:47:45,780 --> 00:47:49,200
(mellow music continues)

888
00:47:53,746 --> 00:47:54,580
(foot thudding)
(beer sloshing)

889
00:47:54,580 --> 00:47:56,499
(customers and Lavonia laughing)

890
00:47:56,499 --> 00:47:58,501
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

891
00:47:58,501 --> 00:48:01,253
- Well, that's one way of
getting someone's attention,

892
00:48:01,253 --> 00:48:04,340
even a guy who's not exactly
playing with a full deck.

893
00:48:04,340 --> 00:48:07,259
(Lavonia laughing)

894
00:48:28,572 --> 00:48:30,991
(mellow music continues)

895
00:48:30,991 --> 00:48:34,286
(beer sloshing)
(tablet fizzing)

896
00:48:34,286 --> 00:48:36,872
- Looks like there's a
Michael Finn in the house.

897
00:48:36,872 --> 00:48:39,834
That lozenge would stop Godzilla's clock.

898
00:48:39,834 --> 00:48:42,586
(tablet fizzing)

899
00:48:43,629 --> 00:48:44,463
- Thank you, ma'am.

900
00:48:48,592 --> 00:48:49,427
Nice.

901
00:48:54,682 --> 00:48:58,102
(mellow music continues)

902
00:49:05,693 --> 00:49:07,069
(Lavonia moaning)

903
00:49:09,905 --> 00:49:10,906
(glass thudding)

904
00:49:17,580 --> 00:49:20,541
(mellow music continues)

905
00:49:28,424 --> 00:49:29,383
(Lamar groaning)

906
00:49:29,383 --> 00:49:30,217
(cup clattering)

907
00:49:30,217 --> 00:49:32,386
(beer fizzing)

908
00:49:32,386 --> 00:49:33,971
(Lamar coughs and groans)

909
00:49:35,764 --> 00:49:38,142
- [Lavonia] Kieza, carry Lamar upstairs.

910
00:49:38,142 --> 00:49:40,561
- It's a good thing Lamar
didn't finish his beer.

911
00:49:40,561 --> 00:49:43,939
And now, Lavonia-- uh, I, I mean
Lola Langusta-- will attempt

912
00:49:43,939 --> 00:49:45,733
what is impossible for anyone except she

913
00:49:45,733 --> 00:49:48,486
who is the hottest tamale
both sides of the Rio Grande,

914
00:49:48,486 --> 00:49:50,738
yes, to inspire an
erection in a man drugged

915
00:49:50,738 --> 00:49:52,948
into unconsciousness by ministering

916
00:49:52,948 --> 00:49:56,160
and manipulating his dick
to every possible degree.

917
00:49:56,160 --> 00:49:58,787
Her mission, to free Lamar
from beneath the valley

918
00:49:58,787 --> 00:50:00,372
so that even he will be capable

919
00:50:00,372 --> 00:50:03,000
of looking a good fuck
straight in the eye.

920
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:04,960
(Lamar gasping)

921
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:06,962
There are many ways of tackling a problem,

922
00:50:06,962 --> 00:50:09,924
but a good therapist will
begin by dealing with basics.

923
00:50:09,924 --> 00:50:13,469
(Lavonia laughing)

924
00:50:13,469 --> 00:50:17,056
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

925
00:50:19,475 --> 00:50:20,434
(breasts smacking)

926
00:50:20,434 --> 00:50:23,354
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

927
00:50:23,354 --> 00:50:25,272
(drill clattering)
(Lavonia laughing)

928
00:50:25,272 --> 00:50:28,859
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

929
00:50:30,319 --> 00:50:32,071
(zipper whizzing)
(Lavonia screams)

930
00:50:32,071 --> 00:50:33,781
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

931
00:50:40,829 --> 00:50:42,498
(drill clattering)

932
00:50:42,498 --> 00:50:46,085
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

933
00:50:52,258 --> 00:50:57,263
(Lavonia moaning)
(determined music)

934
00:50:57,763 --> 00:50:59,723
(wall clattering)

935
00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:00,641
(drill thudding)

936
00:51:01,725 --> 00:51:06,522
(Lavonia moaning)
(determined music continues)

937
00:51:06,522 --> 00:51:07,648
(spring twanging)

938
00:51:08,857 --> 00:51:11,986
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

939
00:51:16,615 --> 00:51:19,535
- Resolute, undaunted,
Lola must dip more deeply

940
00:51:19,535 --> 00:51:22,121
into her reservoir of carnal magic.

941
00:51:22,121 --> 00:51:25,708
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

942
00:51:26,875 --> 00:51:30,629
- In Lola's own words,
"the black sock never fails."

943
00:51:30,671 --> 00:51:32,631
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

944
00:51:32,631 --> 00:51:33,966
(Lamar sniffs)

945
00:51:33,966 --> 00:51:36,051
- She begins by deftly threading

946
00:51:36,051 --> 00:51:38,929
Lamar's limber burrito into it.

947
00:51:38,929 --> 00:51:42,516
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

948
00:51:54,570 --> 00:51:58,741
- In no time at all, Lola
Langusta's efforts will pay off,

949
00:51:58,741 --> 00:52:01,869
shifting gears to the
old broom handle fly.

950
00:52:01,869 --> 00:52:05,414
Ah, the maximum result
is almost instantaneous.

951
00:52:05,414 --> 00:52:09,001
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

952
00:52:14,923 --> 00:52:16,550
(Lavonia moaning)
(saliva squelching)

953
00:52:16,550 --> 00:52:19,845
(bed rattling)
(Lavonia continues moaning)

954
00:52:20,721 --> 00:52:23,098
- All that remains is the ultimate test.

955
00:52:23,098 --> 00:52:25,768
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

956
00:52:25,768 --> 00:52:26,602
(hand smacking)

957
00:52:26,602 --> 00:52:28,729
(Lavonia laughing)

958
00:52:28,729 --> 00:52:30,314
(squishing noises)

959
00:52:31,273 --> 00:52:33,192
- Lola celebrates the excellent results

960
00:52:33,192 --> 00:52:36,028
of her administrations
using Lamar's inert body

961
00:52:36,028 --> 00:52:38,989
beneath her as a living dildo.

962
00:52:38,989 --> 00:52:40,866
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

963
00:52:40,866 --> 00:52:43,118
(Lavonia moaning)

964
00:52:43,118 --> 00:52:46,664
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

965
00:52:48,082 --> 00:52:49,458
(Lavonia moaning)

966
00:52:49,458 --> 00:52:52,503
- [Lamar] Where am [?
(Lavonia screaming)

967
00:52:52,503 --> 00:52:53,587
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

968
00:52:53,587 --> 00:52:54,421
- [Lamar] What happened?

969
00:52:54,421 --> 00:52:58,133
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)
(liquid sloshing)

970
00:52:58,133 --> 00:52:59,009
- [Lamar] What?

971
00:52:59,009 --> 00:52:59,843
(Lavonia screaming)

972
00:52:59,843 --> 00:53:01,261
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

973
00:53:01,261 --> 00:53:05,683
(Lamar grunting)
(snare drum roll)

974
00:53:06,767 --> 00:53:09,353
- One can readily see that
Lola's thing boils down

975
00:53:09,353 --> 00:53:12,106
to good straight sex and no funny stuff.

976
00:53:12,106 --> 00:53:13,649
(Lavonia moaning)

977
00:53:13,649 --> 00:53:17,152
A silent willing man is
a good willing member.

978
00:53:17,152 --> 00:53:20,489
♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay ♪

979
00:53:20,489 --> 00:53:25,494
(Lavonia singing in Spanish)
(bed rattling)

980
00:53:29,623 --> 00:53:30,708
(Lavonia moaning)

981
00:53:30,708 --> 00:53:35,254
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)
(bed rattling)

982
00:53:37,798 --> 00:53:39,174
(Lavonia moaning)

983
00:53:39,174 --> 00:53:42,761
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

984
00:53:44,012 --> 00:53:45,723
- What happened?

985
00:53:45,723 --> 00:53:47,015
(Lavonia moaning)

986
00:53:47,015 --> 00:53:50,394
Hey, uh, what's happening?
(Lavonia continues moaning)

987
00:53:53,939 --> 00:53:55,441
(Lamar grunts)

988
00:53:55,441 --> 00:53:59,027
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

989
00:54:02,114 --> 00:54:03,157
(popper snapping)
(Lamar screaming)

990
00:54:03,157 --> 00:54:07,161
(Lavonia laughing)
(Lamar continues screaming)

991
00:54:07,161 --> 00:54:10,789
(Lavonia moaning)
(Lamar continues screaming)

992
00:54:11,749 --> 00:54:15,335
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

993
00:54:17,296 --> 00:54:18,130
(Lavonia laughing)

994
00:54:18,130 --> 00:54:20,966
- To dry out an alcoholic
requires more than conversation,

995
00:54:20,966 --> 00:54:23,552
and to turn around Lamar's
rear-window tendencies,

996
00:54:23,552 --> 00:54:26,555
Lola-- or Lavonia, as you choose-- knows

997
00:54:26,555 --> 00:54:28,015
that the service she has rendered,

998
00:54:28,015 --> 00:54:32,186
though spectacularly therapeutic,
hardly represents a cure.

999
00:54:32,186 --> 00:54:34,897
One thing for sure, Lola's got to get rid

1000
00:54:34,897 --> 00:54:38,525
of Lamar pronto if the healing
therapy is to continue.

1001
00:54:38,525 --> 00:54:41,153
And the classic threat
of a returning husband,

1002
00:54:41,153 --> 00:54:44,156
certainly under the
circumstances, is a sure bet

1003
00:54:44,156 --> 00:54:46,200
to get the show on the road.

1004
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:48,660
Even though Lola's lingo is still Latin,

1005
00:54:48,660 --> 00:54:50,913
she dishes up a pretty fair picture of her

1006
00:54:50,913 --> 00:54:53,749
freaked-out old man:
seven feet tall

1007
00:54:53,749 --> 00:54:56,084
and meaner than a junk yard dog

1008
00:54:56,084 --> 00:54:58,086
with a pig sticker twice the size

1009
00:54:58,086 --> 00:54:59,630
of the one she's wielding.

1010
00:54:59,630 --> 00:55:02,633
And to guild the lily, a stated backup

1011
00:55:02,633 --> 00:55:07,221
of six burly, bloodthirsty,
gringo-hating vaqueros--

1012
00:55:07,221 --> 00:55:09,556
Mexican cowboys to you.

1013
00:55:09,556 --> 00:55:10,891
Well, Lola, ah,
(glass shattering)

1014
00:55:10,891 --> 00:55:12,976
let's call her by her real name,

1015
00:55:12,976 --> 00:55:15,938
Lavonia's dynamic persuasion penetrates

1016
00:55:15,938 --> 00:55:20,400
Lamar's zonked gourd,
setting his ass in gear.

1017
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:22,486
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

1018
00:55:22,486 --> 00:55:24,738
(brush rasping)
(Lavonia laughing)

1019
00:55:24,738 --> 00:55:28,617
(footsteps plodding)
(Lavonia continues laughing)

1020
00:55:28,617 --> 00:55:32,412
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)
(bed rattling)

1021
00:55:32,412 --> 00:55:33,956
(sock thudding)
(Lavonia screams)

1022
00:55:33,956 --> 00:55:35,082
(Lavonia laughing)

1023
00:55:35,082 --> 00:55:37,543
(feet thudding)
(Lavonia continues laughing)

1024
00:55:37,543 --> 00:55:40,045
- Oh, lest we forget and
ignore the quantum leap

1025
00:55:40,045 --> 00:55:41,839
that could make medical history,

1026
00:55:41,839 --> 00:55:45,008
Lamar did fuck straight,
even though unconscious

1027
00:55:45,008 --> 00:55:48,053
and protected by a long, black nylon sock.

1028
00:55:48,053 --> 00:55:51,181
But, and this is
important, he still has yet

1029
00:55:51,181 --> 00:55:53,892
to look a good fuck straight in the eye.

1030
00:55:53,892 --> 00:55:55,102
- Whoo! (laughs)

1031
00:55:55,102 --> 00:55:56,478
(water splashing)

1032
00:55:56,478 --> 00:55:57,896
- I'll be damned.

1033
00:55:59,439 --> 00:56:01,692
- [Lavonia] Ya'll come back! (laughs)

1034
00:56:01,692 --> 00:56:04,152
(door clattering)
(Lavonia laughing)

1035
00:56:04,152 --> 00:56:06,905
(truck rumbling)

1036
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:13,203
(suspenseful music)

1037
00:56:14,288 --> 00:56:15,747
(tires thumping)

1038
00:56:15,747 --> 00:56:17,165
- You ever have one of those days

1039
00:56:17,165 --> 00:56:19,042
where nothing seemed to go right?

1040
00:56:19,084 --> 00:56:21,378
(air whooshing)

1041
00:56:21,378 --> 00:56:26,091
Well, let's see what Lola--
I mean, Lavonia-- is up to.

1042
00:56:26,091 --> 00:56:27,259
(jaunty music)

1043
00:56:27,259 --> 00:56:30,345
(door squeaking)

1044
00:56:31,346 --> 00:56:32,347
- [Lavonia] Thank you.

1045
00:56:32,347 --> 00:56:33,599
- [Driver] Forgot your hat, ma'am.

1046
00:56:33,599 --> 00:56:38,562
- Oh, thanks, thanks very much.

1047
00:56:38,812 --> 00:56:41,356
(engine humming)
(tires whirring)

1048
00:56:41,356 --> 00:56:43,859
- Confused? There's no need to be.

1049
00:56:43,859 --> 00:56:45,360
(hands thudding)
(downcast music)

1050
00:56:45,360 --> 00:56:47,487
This is really a very simple story.

1051
00:56:47,487 --> 00:56:50,157
(keys jangling)
(engine roaring)

1052
00:56:51,366 --> 00:56:54,536
(birds chirping)

1053
00:56:54,536 --> 00:56:55,370
(static hissing)

1054
00:56:55,370 --> 00:56:58,373
- Breaker break, Wetness to Salad Bowl.

1055
00:56:58,373 --> 00:57:03,253
Come on over, Mr. Peterbuilt,
and I'll eat your lunch, 10-4.

1056
00:57:03,253 --> 00:57:06,840
(Lavonia moaning)
(upbeat marching music)

1057
00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:08,675
More, more, yes, more.

1058
00:57:10,928 --> 00:57:13,263
(Lavonia moaning)

1059
00:57:13,263 --> 00:57:14,765
More! I love it!

1060
00:57:16,058 --> 00:57:18,936
- 3:00, almost two
hours 'til quittin' time

1061
00:57:18,936 --> 00:57:23,065
in Small Town, USA, but some
folks are never ready to quit.

1062
00:57:23,065 --> 00:57:25,359
Gladly do they teach,
and gladly do they learn.

1063
00:57:25,359 --> 00:57:26,401
(both moaning)

1064
00:57:26,401 --> 00:57:29,446
This morning, Lavonia held
summer school with young Rhett.

1065
00:57:29,446 --> 00:57:31,239
Now she's doing post-graduate work

1066
00:57:31,239 --> 00:57:33,533
with the industrious Mr. Peterbuilt.

1067
00:57:33,533 --> 00:57:34,868
(both moaning)
(clock chiming)

1068
00:57:34,868 --> 00:57:37,788
Huh, why does she look
at the clock so intently?

1069
00:57:37,788 --> 00:57:40,165
Well, I expect it'll take
Lamar quite some time

1070
00:57:40,165 --> 00:57:42,209
to get those blown tires changed.

1071
00:57:42,209 --> 00:57:43,085
(engine humming)

1072
00:57:43,085 --> 00:57:46,046
Uh-oh, sooner than I thought.

1073
00:57:46,046 --> 00:57:46,880
(keys clanking)

1074
00:57:46,880 --> 00:57:49,132
Well, this ought to be interesting.

1075
00:57:50,050 --> 00:57:51,093
(door thudding)

1076
00:57:51,093 --> 00:57:51,927
♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay ♪
- Hey, Salad,

1077
00:57:51,927 --> 00:57:52,970
this here is Seagull.

1078
00:57:52,970 --> 00:57:53,845
Where the hell you at?

1079
00:57:53,845 --> 00:57:55,931
I got a week's load of
salad parked out back

1080
00:57:55,931 --> 00:57:57,307
drawing flies, 10-4.

1081
00:57:57,307 --> 00:57:58,141
(static hissing)

1082
00:57:58,141 --> 00:58:00,519
(Lavonia singing in Spanish)
(Peterbuilt moaning)

1083
00:58:00,519 --> 00:58:01,603
(both moaning)

1084
00:58:01,603 --> 00:58:05,190
(Lavonia speaking Spanish)

1085
00:58:11,905 --> 00:58:14,783
(Lavonia moaning)
(upbeat marching music)

1086
00:58:14,783 --> 00:58:18,620
- I love it! (screams)
(bed rattling)

1087
00:58:18,620 --> 00:58:19,663
More, more.

1088
00:58:19,663 --> 00:58:24,292
(energetic music)
(Lavonia moaning)

1089
00:58:24,292 --> 00:58:27,170
Give it to me. (moaning)
I want more!

1090
00:58:27,170 --> 00:58:31,091
Cock, cock, more cock.

1091
00:58:31,091 --> 00:58:33,552
- Lavonia, say something in Mexican.

1092
00:58:33,552 --> 00:58:35,387
(Lavonia moaning)

1093
00:58:35,387 --> 00:58:36,763
(whistle trilling)

1094
00:58:36,763 --> 00:58:38,640
I said say something in Mexican.

1095
00:58:39,683 --> 00:58:43,270
- Adios.

1096
00:58:43,270 --> 00:58:45,647
- What about these things, this wig?

1097
00:58:45,647 --> 00:58:49,192
What about this dress and
these goddamn red shoes?

1098
00:58:49,192 --> 00:58:51,570
- You know them samples I got, baby.

1099
00:58:51,570 --> 00:58:52,821
- In a pig's ass!

1100
00:58:52,863 --> 00:58:53,655
(dramatic music)

1101
00:58:53,655 --> 00:58:55,073
Who the fuck is that?

1102
00:58:55,073 --> 00:58:57,743
(Lamar grunting)
(Lavonia screaming)

1103
00:58:57,743 --> 00:58:59,036
(fist thudding)

1104
00:58:59,036 --> 00:59:02,664
(Lamar grunting)
(clock chiming)

1105
00:59:02,664 --> 00:59:04,708
(lampshade clattering)
(Lavonia grunting)

1106
00:59:04,708 --> 00:59:06,626
(Peterbuilt growling)
(Lavonia whimpering)

1107
00:59:06,626 --> 00:59:07,711
(skin sizzling)

1108
00:59:07,711 --> 00:59:09,046
(Peterbuilt screaming)

1109
00:59:09,046 --> 00:59:10,088
(Lavonia screaming)

1110
00:59:10,088 --> 00:59:13,467
(body thudding)
(Peterbuilt screaming)

1111
00:59:13,467 --> 00:59:15,677
- Mr. Peterbuilt, picking on poor Lamar.

1112
00:59:15,677 --> 00:59:16,720
(Peterbuilt groaning)

1113
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:20,474
Get out, out, out.
(dramatic music)

1114
00:59:20,474 --> 00:59:22,893
Get out, out.

1115
00:59:22,893 --> 00:59:26,730
I said get out! Out and never come back.

1116
00:59:26,730 --> 00:59:28,065
Ugh.
(Peterbuilt groaning)

1117
00:59:28,065 --> 00:59:29,775
(bulb shattering)

1118
00:59:29,775 --> 00:59:31,151
(Lavonia grunting)

1119
00:59:31,151 --> 00:59:34,488
(wheel squeaking)
(Lavonia whimpering)

1120
00:59:34,488 --> 00:59:35,447
(Lavonia grunting)

1121
00:59:35,447 --> 00:59:37,824
And next time, wash these goddamn pants.

1122
00:59:37,824 --> 00:59:40,702
(downcast music)

1123
00:59:40,702 --> 00:59:43,288
You may be the best lay
in Small Town, USA,

1124
00:59:43,288 --> 00:59:45,540
Mr. Peterbuilt, but no matter!

1125
00:59:45,540 --> 00:59:47,751
- [Peterbuilt] You'll hear from
my attorney in the morning!

1126
00:59:47,751 --> 00:59:49,544
- It won't hold up in court.

1127
00:59:49,544 --> 00:59:51,296
Besides, Peterbuilt's all talk,

1128
00:59:51,296 --> 00:59:53,131
and Lavonia's got his number.

1129
00:59:53,173 --> 00:59:54,091
(door slamming)

1130
00:59:54,091 --> 00:59:56,468
Could it be that there's
more here than meets the eye?

1131
00:59:56,468 --> 00:59:59,054
- [Lavonia] You only thought
I was doing something bad,

1132
00:59:59,054 --> 01:00:01,890
Lamar, that you saw me being unfaithful.

1133
01:00:01,890 --> 01:00:02,891
- That settles it, Lavonia.

1134
01:00:02,891 --> 01:00:03,725
(door squeaking)

1135
01:00:03,725 --> 01:00:05,894
We've gotta have help,
professional help,

1136
01:00:05,894 --> 01:00:07,229
if we're going save this relationship.

1137
01:00:07,229 --> 01:00:09,356
- Save their relationship?

1138
01:00:09,356 --> 01:00:11,817
Well, maybe a means to an end.

1139
01:00:11,817 --> 01:00:13,944
- There's no question in my mind, Lavonia.

1140
01:00:13,944 --> 01:00:16,029
The only man who can solve my problem

1141
01:00:16,029 --> 01:00:18,240
is Dr. Asa Lavender.

1142
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,117
(keys jangling)
(engine humming)

1143
01:00:20,117 --> 01:00:21,576
- For years, he's been Small Town's

1144
01:00:21,576 --> 01:00:25,372
friendly next-door dentist and
part-time marriage counselor.

1145
01:00:26,331 --> 01:00:28,625
Uh-oh, here they come.

1146
01:00:28,625 --> 01:00:31,503
Well, as I was saying, even
in peaceful Small Town,

1147
01:00:31,503 --> 01:00:34,881
there's not much Dr.
Lavender hasn't seen or done.

1148
01:00:34,881 --> 01:00:36,800
But this is a case for the record books:

1149
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:39,010
a handsome young man
with a beautiful woman,

1150
01:00:39,010 --> 01:00:42,097
and he can only satisfy his needs by...

1151
01:00:42,097 --> 01:00:45,225
Well, you know Lamar's problem.

1152
01:00:45,225 --> 01:00:47,978
Lavonia's problem, if we
can call it a problem,

1153
01:00:47,978 --> 01:00:49,855
is far less complicated.

1154
01:00:49,855 --> 01:00:53,567
She suffers from enthusiasm.
(door clattering)

1155
01:00:53,567 --> 01:00:57,404
Well, anyway, it's a case
for individual therapy

1156
01:00:57,404 --> 01:01:00,240
as we leave Lavonia and
Lamar to the tender mercies

1157
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:04,035
of Dr. Lavender and Nurse Flovilla Thatch.

1158
01:01:04,035 --> 01:01:06,538
- Well, and what is your problem today?

1159
01:01:06,538 --> 01:01:07,998
- I can only get it off when I...

1160
01:01:09,374 --> 01:01:10,542
When I'm rimming Lavonia.

1161
01:01:10,542 --> 01:01:11,918
- (gasps) All the...

1162
01:01:11,918 --> 01:01:12,752
- Yeah, and it's a...
- ...toilet paper.

1163
01:01:12,752 --> 01:01:13,795
- ...real pain in the ass.

1164
01:01:13,795 --> 01:01:15,964
- Yeah, yes, I understand.

1165
01:01:15,964 --> 01:01:17,632
Oh, yes, of course.
- Well, the problem

1166
01:01:17,632 --> 01:01:20,802
is really Lamar, as I've only
come to have my teeth cleaned.

1167
01:01:20,802 --> 01:01:24,097
- (laughs) Teeth cleaned, yes.

1168
01:01:24,097 --> 01:01:27,100
Well, uh, I see, first things first.

1169
01:01:27,100 --> 01:01:30,896
Uh, you come with me, my dear,

1170
01:01:30,896 --> 01:01:34,691
while, uh, Nurse Thatch gives a, uh,

1171
01:01:34,691 --> 01:01:35,525
(glove creaking)

1172
01:01:35,525 --> 01:01:38,612
Nurse Thatch gives a,
uh, preliminary diagnosis

1173
01:01:38,612 --> 01:01:41,031
of the man.

1174
01:01:42,365 --> 01:01:45,827
(footsteps tapping)
(gentle music)

1175
01:01:45,827 --> 01:01:49,039
What a gorgeous-looking couple!

1176
01:01:49,039 --> 01:01:51,625
(mellow music)

1177
01:02:00,258 --> 01:02:01,968
(lips smacking)

1178
01:02:01,968 --> 01:02:03,261
- Oh, ma'am, that could, that could lead

1179
01:02:03,261 --> 01:02:04,930
to a whole pack of trouble.

1180
01:02:04,971 --> 01:02:07,682
What you wanna go messing
with my problem for?

1181
01:02:07,682 --> 01:02:08,683
Don't you know what they say

1182
01:02:08,683 --> 01:02:10,977
about pouring more oil on the fire?

1183
01:02:12,354 --> 01:02:15,482
(mellow music continues)

1184
01:02:15,482 --> 01:02:19,694
(drill whirring)
(pedal clanking)

1185
01:02:19,694 --> 01:02:22,030
(Lavonia moaning and groaning)

1186
01:02:22,030 --> 01:02:23,782
- [Flovilla] You've got it all wrong.

1187
01:02:23,782 --> 01:02:24,699
- Lavonia?
- Stop.

1188
01:02:24,699 --> 01:02:28,286
- [Lavonia] Lamar, this
is not what I wanted.

1189
01:02:28,286 --> 01:02:29,371
This ain't my idea

1190
01:02:29,371 --> 01:02:32,040
of a good time.
- See, I fuck like a real man...

1191
01:02:32,040 --> 01:02:32,874
(Lavonia screaming)

1192
01:02:32,874 --> 01:02:34,084
- Shut up, bitch.

1193
01:02:34,084 --> 01:02:36,628
- You just led me down
the prime-rose path...

1194
01:02:36,628 --> 01:02:37,462
(spring twanging)
(Flovilla groaning)

1195
01:02:37,462 --> 01:02:38,546
Like everyone.

1196
01:02:38,546 --> 01:02:39,381
(drill whirring)

1197
01:02:39,381 --> 01:02:41,091
(zipper whizzing)

1198
01:02:41,091 --> 01:02:43,260
(Asa screaming)

1199
01:02:43,260 --> 01:02:45,512
- You bitch. (screaming)

1200
01:02:45,512 --> 01:02:46,513
- Oh, why can't,
(Flovilla screaming)

1201
01:02:46,513 --> 01:02:48,723
Why can't a woman be more like a man?

1202
01:02:48,723 --> 01:02:53,061
(spring twanging)
(Lamar moaning)

1203
01:02:54,187 --> 01:02:56,690
(switch clicking)
- Let's switch!

1204
01:02:56,690 --> 01:02:59,526
(body thudding)
(gentle piano music)

1205
01:02:59,526 --> 01:03:01,736
- Be more like a man...
- Yes?

1206
01:03:05,699 --> 01:03:06,533
Ugh.

1207
01:03:10,704 --> 01:03:11,538
(clothes rustling)

1208
01:03:11,538 --> 01:03:12,706
- Holy fag!

1209
01:03:13,957 --> 01:03:15,750
(whimpering) Oh, shit.
- Cunt.

1210
01:03:15,750 --> 01:03:17,752
- (laughs) Passion, passion!

1211
01:03:17,752 --> 01:03:20,839
- My aching anus.
- Hey, what's happening?

1212
01:03:20,839 --> 01:03:23,341
- It's nothing your old man can't handle.

1213
01:03:23,341 --> 01:03:26,678
- Oh, that'd get old quick.

1214
01:03:26,678 --> 01:03:27,762
- [Lavonia] Mm-hmm.

1215
01:03:28,722 --> 01:03:32,142
(Asa and Lamar grunting)

1216
01:03:33,935 --> 01:03:34,728
(door squeaking)

1217
01:03:34,769 --> 01:03:36,271
- Stay outta my closet, you bitch.

1218
01:03:38,565 --> 01:03:40,108
(door slamming)
Oh.

1219
01:03:40,108 --> 01:03:41,026
(drawer clattering)

1220
01:03:41,901 --> 01:03:45,155
Pussycat? Pussycat?

1221
01:03:46,281 --> 01:03:47,324
Meow.

1222
01:03:47,324 --> 01:03:48,283
(lips smacking)

1223
01:03:48,283 --> 01:03:49,617
(latch clicking and squeaking)

1224
01:03:49,617 --> 01:03:51,870
- We're gonna have a good time.

1225
01:03:51,870 --> 01:03:53,163
Let's see.

1226
01:03:53,163 --> 01:03:54,122
- Pussy.

1227
01:03:54,122 --> 01:03:55,123
(lips smacking)

1228
01:03:55,123 --> 01:03:58,168
Meow, meow.
- 17 inches divided by two is...

1229
01:03:58,168 --> 01:04:01,504
- Pussycat, pussycat.
(vagina squelching)

1230
01:04:01,504 --> 01:04:03,590
(Lavonia moaning)
Pussy?

1231
01:04:03,590 --> 01:04:04,424
Cunt.

1232
01:04:04,424 --> 01:04:06,676
(footsteps plodding)

1233
01:04:06,676 --> 01:04:09,512
(Lavonia moaning)

1234
01:04:12,390 --> 01:04:13,224
(switch clicking)

1235
01:04:15,185 --> 01:04:18,021
(Lavonia moaning)

1236
01:04:19,189 --> 01:04:20,482
(door clattering)

1237
01:04:20,482 --> 01:04:21,441
(crowbar clanging)

1238
01:04:22,776 --> 01:04:24,569
(footsteps plodding)

1239
01:04:25,695 --> 01:04:27,655
You hear me, Lamar Shedd?

1240
01:04:27,655 --> 01:04:29,866
I'm speaking to you, slut.

1241
01:04:29,866 --> 01:04:32,410
Jezebel. Paramour.
(Lavonia moaning)

1242
01:04:32,410 --> 01:04:35,121
Lamar, this is your last chance.

1243
01:04:37,499 --> 01:04:39,292
(crowbar rasping)

1244
01:04:39,292 --> 01:04:41,586
(Lavonia moaning)
(crowbar clattering)

1245
01:04:41,586 --> 01:04:42,462
(Asa grunts)

1246
01:04:44,297 --> 01:04:47,217
Lamar, your queen is speaking to you.

1247
01:04:47,217 --> 01:04:48,843
Do you hear me?

1248
01:04:48,843 --> 01:04:49,677
Lamar?

1249
01:04:50,720 --> 01:04:53,640
(crowbar thudding)

1250
01:04:54,516 --> 01:04:55,350
You bitch.

1251
01:04:56,559 --> 01:04:59,813
(Lavonia moaning)
(crowbar clanging)

1252
01:04:59,813 --> 01:05:04,192
(mallet rustling)
(Lavonia continues moaning)

1253
01:05:04,192 --> 01:05:05,485
(door slamming)

1254
01:05:05,485 --> 01:05:08,488
(footsteps tapping)
(Lavonia continues moaning)

1255
01:05:08,488 --> 01:05:10,573
(door squeaking)

1256
01:05:10,573 --> 01:05:11,658
(footsteps plodding)

1257
01:05:11,658 --> 01:05:12,826
(door slamming)

1258
01:05:12,826 --> 01:05:15,870
Lamar, don't you play games with me!

1259
01:05:15,870 --> 01:05:18,665
You vacate my closet immediately!

1260
01:05:18,665 --> 01:05:20,083
Do you hear me, you cunt?

1261
01:05:21,209 --> 01:05:23,837
Get out right now or
I'll knock down the door.

1262
01:05:23,837 --> 01:05:24,963
(mallet thudding)

1263
01:05:24,963 --> 01:05:28,591
No, really, fuck you,
bitch, you closet queen!

1264
01:05:28,591 --> 01:05:29,426
(mallet thudding)

1265
01:05:29,426 --> 01:05:33,096
(Asa speaking indistinctly)

1266
01:05:35,056 --> 01:05:37,267
All right, you bitch, you just wait!

1267
01:05:38,893 --> 01:05:41,104
(footsteps plodding)
(Lavonia moaning)

1268
01:05:41,104 --> 01:05:42,021
(mallet thudding)

1269
01:05:43,148 --> 01:05:44,691
(door clattering)

1270
01:05:44,691 --> 01:05:47,318
(gun clattering)
(Lavonia moaning)

1271
01:05:47,318 --> 01:05:48,153
(gun clanking)

1272
01:05:49,362 --> 01:05:50,321
(shells rasping)

1273
01:05:53,825 --> 01:05:54,742
(door slamming)

1274
01:05:56,578 --> 01:05:58,746
(door creaking)
(footsteps plodding)

1275
01:05:58,746 --> 01:06:00,165
(door slamming)

1276
01:06:00,165 --> 01:06:03,418
- Lamar Shedd, your
obstinacy is forcing me

1277
01:06:03,418 --> 01:06:05,795
to measures most extreme.

1278
01:06:05,795 --> 01:06:07,881
Come out, come out, or I'll huff

1279
01:06:07,881 --> 01:06:10,550
and I'll puff and I'll
blow the door down!

1280
01:06:10,550 --> 01:06:13,094
Lamar, stand aside. (screams)

1281
01:06:13,094 --> 01:06:15,054
(gunshot blasting)

1282
01:06:15,054 --> 01:06:16,347
(body thudding)

1283
01:06:16,347 --> 01:06:17,348
Lamar?

1284
01:06:17,348 --> 01:06:18,433
(footsteps plodding)

1285
01:06:18,433 --> 01:06:22,270
Lamar, are you all right, pussycat?

1286
01:06:23,146 --> 01:06:25,231
Lamar, Daddy didn't hurt you, did he?

1287
01:06:26,399 --> 01:06:28,234
Pussy?
- Fuck you, faggot.

1288
01:06:28,234 --> 01:06:30,445
- Well, that's all I mean to you?

1289
01:06:30,445 --> 01:06:31,488
(footsteps plodding)
(Lavonia moaning)

1290
01:06:31,488 --> 01:06:33,615
Fuck you, whore.

1291
01:06:33,615 --> 01:06:35,241
You dirty bitch!
(gun thudding)

1292
01:06:36,326 --> 01:06:39,329
You dirty slut!
(Lavonia moaning)

1293
01:06:39,329 --> 01:06:40,622
(chainsaw clattering)

1294
01:06:44,667 --> 01:06:47,128
You forced me to extreme measures!

1295
01:06:47,128 --> 01:06:49,547
I will not be denied.

1296
01:06:49,547 --> 01:06:51,883
My needs will be fulfilled.

1297
01:06:51,883 --> 01:06:54,719
And I pray, bitch, that you should drink

1298
01:06:54,719 --> 01:06:57,347
the black sperm of my vengeance.

1299
01:06:57,347 --> 01:06:58,515
(chainsaw buzzing)
(Asa screaming)

1300
01:06:58,515 --> 01:07:02,852
You dirty slut!
(chainsaw buzzing)

1301
01:07:02,852 --> 01:07:04,437
You dirty bitch!

1302
01:07:05,313 --> 01:07:08,983
You bitch! (laughs)

1303
01:07:08,983 --> 01:07:10,944
(speaking indistinctly)

1304
01:07:10,944 --> 01:07:15,949
(laid-back music)
(Lavonia moaning)

1305
01:07:15,949 --> 01:07:17,408
(chainsaw buzzing)

1306
01:07:17,408 --> 01:07:20,787
I'm gonna get you, dead or alive. (laughs)

1307
01:07:20,787 --> 01:07:22,247
(chainsaw buzzing)

1308
01:07:22,247 --> 01:07:23,456
You bitch!

1309
01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:26,292
Oh, God!

1310
01:07:27,418 --> 01:07:31,923
(Flovilla and Lavonia moaning)

1311
01:07:31,923 --> 01:07:33,925
(Asa muttering)

1312
01:07:33,925 --> 01:07:35,593
(chainsaw buzzing)

1313
01:07:35,593 --> 01:07:39,222
But you're stubborn.
Your bitch is coming in!

1314
01:07:40,181 --> 01:07:42,350
(Asa whimpering)
(chainsaw buzzing)

1315
01:07:42,350 --> 01:07:44,018
(Flovilla and Lavonia moaning)

1316
01:07:44,018 --> 01:07:46,729
(Asa screaming)

1317
01:07:46,729 --> 01:07:48,606
- You think you can play with me?

1318
01:07:48,606 --> 01:07:49,482
You can't!

1319
01:07:49,482 --> 01:07:51,943
I'm going to just saw away on my door.

1320
01:07:51,943 --> 01:07:53,736
(Asa laughing)

1321
01:07:53,736 --> 01:07:55,613
I'm going to kick and marry you.

1322
01:07:55,613 --> 01:07:56,531
(foot thudding)

1323
01:07:56,573 --> 01:07:58,408
Lover been bad.

1324
01:07:58,408 --> 01:08:00,159
Kiss me, I'm coming.

1325
01:08:00,159 --> 01:08:03,121
(spring twanging)
(body thudding)

1326
01:08:03,121 --> 01:08:04,122
(Lavonia moaning)

1327
01:08:04,122 --> 01:08:05,039
- A toupee?

1328
01:08:07,417 --> 01:08:09,836
Even your hair's phony.

1329
01:08:09,836 --> 01:08:11,713
(Lavonia and Flovilla moaning)

1330
01:08:11,713 --> 01:08:14,424
(footsteps plodding)

1331
01:08:14,424 --> 01:08:17,093
Lavonia! Lavonia.

1332
01:08:18,094 --> 01:08:20,555
We gotta get the fuck
outta this madhouse!

1333
01:08:20,555 --> 01:08:23,224
- [Lavonia] More! More!
(seat squeaking)

1334
01:08:23,224 --> 01:08:24,892
(footsteps plodding)

1335
01:08:24,892 --> 01:08:26,060
More cock!
- Lavonia.

1336
01:08:26,060 --> 01:08:27,478
- I'm wet!
- We gotta get

1337
01:08:27,478 --> 01:08:28,688
the hell outta here.

1338
01:08:28,688 --> 01:08:31,149
(Lavonia and Flovilla moaning)

1339
01:08:31,149 --> 01:08:33,735
Goddamn, let's get outta here.
(dildo thudding)

1340
01:08:33,735 --> 01:08:34,902
(Flovilla moaning)

1341
01:08:34,902 --> 01:08:37,363
(feet thudding)
(dildo grunts)

1342
01:08:37,363 --> 01:08:38,865
- Oh, Lamar.

1343
01:08:40,992 --> 01:08:43,453
More big cock.

1344
01:08:43,453 --> 01:08:45,496
- [Dildo] Yeah, okay,
I'm, I'm ready, I'm ready.

1345
01:08:45,496 --> 01:08:46,497
- Lamar...

1346
01:08:47,749 --> 01:08:49,876
- You're a discredit to the
marriage counseling profession.

1347
01:08:49,876 --> 01:08:51,544
- Fuck you, pussycat!

1348
01:08:51,586 --> 01:08:52,795
- Humbug!

1349
01:08:52,795 --> 01:08:56,382
(footsteps plodding)
(gentle music)

1350
01:08:56,382 --> 01:09:00,887
(door clattering and squeaking)

1351
01:09:00,887 --> 01:09:03,264
(pensive music)

1352
01:09:03,264 --> 01:09:04,557
(can clanking)

1353
01:09:05,767 --> 01:09:06,893
- If that was any example

1354
01:09:06,893 --> 01:09:09,103
of Dr. Lavender's professional standards,

1355
01:09:09,103 --> 01:09:12,231
his shingle should be hanging
by a mighty thin thread.

1356
01:09:12,231 --> 01:09:15,610
He'd even give malpractice
a clean bill of health.

1357
01:09:15,610 --> 01:09:17,028
And as for Lamar,

1358
01:09:17,028 --> 01:09:20,114
I'd say he's just about
at the end of his rope.

1359
01:09:20,114 --> 01:09:24,035
He's exhausted his options
by barking up the wrong tree.

1360
01:09:24,035 --> 01:09:25,995
Either he gets his own ass in gear

1361
01:09:25,995 --> 01:09:31,000
or it's goodbye, Lavonia, and
all that fun and loving. Pity.

1362
01:09:31,250 --> 01:09:34,128
(tires screeching)

1363
01:09:35,004 --> 01:09:37,882
- You and your goddamn bright ideas.

1364
01:09:37,882 --> 01:09:40,635
(engine humming)

1365
01:09:42,428 --> 01:09:44,722
- If Lamar is ever gonna find deliverance,

1366
01:09:44,722 --> 01:09:47,934
he'll have to shoot the rapids
in someone else's canoe.

1367
01:09:47,934 --> 01:09:51,229
(engine humming)

1368
01:09:51,229 --> 01:09:53,231
(switch clicking)
(gentle organ music)

1369
01:09:53,231 --> 01:09:55,608
- [Eufaula] You're tuned to Rio Dio Radio,

1370
01:09:55,608 --> 01:09:58,319
Heaven's top 40,
where for one week only,

1371
01:09:58,319 --> 01:10:01,864
we're offering our genuine
plastic illuminated waterfall

1372
01:10:01,864 --> 01:10:03,700
for only $9.98.
(cassette clattering)

1373
01:10:03,700 --> 01:10:07,412
That's right, $9.98, postage
and handling included.

1374
01:10:07,412 --> 01:10:10,456
Gosh, neighbors, you'll
want to appreciate this work

1375
01:10:10,456 --> 01:10:12,208
of art in your own parlor.

1376
01:10:12,250 --> 01:10:14,293
It looks like a real waterfall.

1377
01:10:14,293 --> 01:10:17,463
Reminds me of my
wonderful trip to Tijuana--

1378
01:10:17,463 --> 01:10:19,507
Uh, I mean Niagara.

1379
01:10:19,507 --> 01:10:21,342
And yet unlike a real waterfall,

1380
01:10:21,342 --> 01:10:24,220
it will never disappoint
you by running dry.

1381
01:10:24,220 --> 01:10:27,890
It's made of durable,
industrial-strength plastic designed

1382
01:10:27,890 --> 01:10:30,184
to keep running day in and day out,

1383
01:10:30,184 --> 01:10:34,355
month after month, year after
year, batteries not included.

1384
01:10:34,355 --> 01:10:37,817
Just send $9.98, but no
stamps or checks, please,

1385
01:10:37,817 --> 01:10:41,696
brothers and sisters, to
"Waterfall," Rio Dio, Texas,

1386
01:10:41,696 --> 01:10:44,031
care of Sister Eufaula Roop,

1387
01:10:44,031 --> 01:10:47,535
the Top-40 faith healer and
salvator of the Southwest,

1388
01:10:47,535 --> 01:10:49,996
saying think about this question:

1389
01:10:49,996 --> 01:10:52,874
have you considered
trading in self-abuse

1390
01:10:52,874 --> 01:10:54,834
for self-realization?

1391
01:10:55,668 --> 01:10:59,297
(gentle organ music continues)

1392
01:10:59,297 --> 01:11:01,883
Yes, self-realization
through the liquid of life

1393
01:11:01,883 --> 01:11:05,011
which gave birth to us
all, to the little birdies

1394
01:11:05,011 --> 01:11:07,305
and the little fishies,
the little doggies,

1395
01:11:07,305 --> 01:11:09,766
the little Kewpies, and the little babies.

1396
01:11:09,766 --> 01:11:12,101
And isn't that wonderful?

1397
01:11:12,101 --> 01:11:16,105
Water cleansing the body,
the soul, the extremities.

1398
01:11:16,105 --> 01:11:16,939
(suspenders snapping)

1399
01:11:16,939 --> 01:11:19,776
Immersion is the only answer.

1400
01:11:19,776 --> 01:11:24,781
Water to nurture, to succor,
to inundate, to cleanse--

1401
01:11:25,072 --> 01:11:28,534
Golly, it's a beautiful notion.

1402
01:11:28,534 --> 01:11:30,828
And by gosh, brothers and sisters,

1403
01:11:30,828 --> 01:11:32,455
the very thought just makes pins

1404
01:11:32,455 --> 01:11:35,541
and needles race up and down my spine.

1405
01:11:35,541 --> 01:11:38,044
(truck rattling)

1406
01:11:39,170 --> 01:11:41,589
And now let me ask you something, friends.

1407
01:11:41,589 --> 01:11:43,674
How many times have you found yourself

1408
01:11:43,674 --> 01:11:46,594
in the doghouse?
- Lavonia, if this don't work,

1409
01:11:46,594 --> 01:11:48,304
then I'll never bother you again.

1410
01:11:49,347 --> 01:11:50,473
(door clattering)

1411
01:11:50,473 --> 01:11:53,810
- Maybe what you need is
our new twelve cells...

1412
01:11:53,810 --> 01:11:54,894
(clothes thudding)

1413
01:11:54,894 --> 01:11:56,270
(engine humming)

1414
01:11:56,270 --> 01:11:57,396
(tires screeching)

1415
01:11:57,396 --> 01:12:00,483
That's right, twelve cells
for extra power.

1416
01:12:00,483 --> 01:12:03,110
You never know when an
emergency will come up,

1417
01:12:03,110 --> 01:12:05,530
and two cells just won't do.

1418
01:12:05,530 --> 01:12:08,032
Two cells is fine for the little jobs.

1419
01:12:08,032 --> 01:12:09,992
But for the big jobs,

1420
01:12:09,992 --> 01:12:14,205
you need a big, handsome flashlight!

1421
01:12:14,205 --> 01:12:17,416
A, a 12-cell flashlight,

1422
01:12:18,960 --> 01:12:21,546
longer lasting.

1423
01:12:21,546 --> 01:12:23,214
It won't go off.
(truck rattling)

1424
01:12:23,256 --> 01:12:27,426
I mean, it won't go out
when you need it most.

1425
01:12:27,426 --> 01:12:31,222
And now, today's laying on
of radio healing service

1426
01:12:31,222 --> 01:12:33,516
will come in an hour.
(tapes clattering)

1427
01:12:33,516 --> 01:12:36,561
Uh, but first, um,

1428
01:12:36,561 --> 01:12:37,812
this interview.
(upbeat marching music)

1429
01:12:37,812 --> 01:12:41,148
Uh, yes, dear friends,
and you are dear to me,

1430
01:12:41,148 --> 01:12:42,984
each and every single one of you.

1431
01:12:42,984 --> 01:12:44,902
I can't tell you how much.
(mellow music)

1432
01:12:44,902 --> 01:12:48,531
And, and now, uh, today's
laying on of radio,

1433
01:12:48,531 --> 01:12:52,201
uh, yes, radio healing service
will be delayed for an hour

1434
01:12:52,201 --> 01:12:56,080
because of technical
difficulties beyond our desires,

1435
01:12:56,080 --> 01:12:58,207
uh, I mean beyond our control, that is.

1436
01:12:58,207 --> 01:13:01,085
But I promise you,
dear, dear, dear friends,

1437
01:13:01,085 --> 01:13:02,753
that just as soon as I can,

1438
01:13:02,753 --> 01:13:06,132
um, as soon as I can
straight out my technical,

1439
01:13:06,132 --> 01:13:10,261
uh, uh, uh,
(cassettes clattering)

1440
01:13:10,261 --> 01:13:13,222
My problems, my sexual, uh, my,

1441
01:13:13,222 --> 01:13:15,933
uh, my technical
difficulties, we'll be back.

1442
01:13:15,933 --> 01:13:18,811
Because each and every
one's dear to me, that is,

1443
01:13:18,811 --> 01:13:20,438
so join with us now

1444
01:13:20,438 --> 01:13:23,441
in this interlude of uplifting hymns.

1445
01:13:23,441 --> 01:13:26,235
(upbeat jazz music)

1446
01:13:26,235 --> 01:13:27,111
(door squeaking)

1447
01:13:29,614 --> 01:13:31,324
What can I do for you, brother?

1448
01:13:31,324 --> 01:13:33,075
- I wanna be saved.

1449
01:13:33,075 --> 01:13:34,827
I wanna be solaced and succored.

1450
01:13:34,827 --> 01:13:35,661
- Hmm.

1451
01:13:37,246 --> 01:13:41,709
(footsteps plodding)
(upbeat jazz music continues)

1452
01:13:44,503 --> 01:13:47,465
Let me slip into something more devout.

1453
01:13:47,465 --> 01:13:50,134
(pensive music)

1454
01:13:55,264 --> 01:13:56,724
(upbeat jazz music)

1455
01:13:56,724 --> 01:13:57,558
(static hissing)

1456
01:13:57,558 --> 01:14:00,311
- [Lavonia] Breaker, break,
Wetness to Salad Bowl,

1457
01:14:00,311 --> 01:14:02,355
my lube job's overdue.

1458
01:14:02,355 --> 01:14:06,400
(Lavonia and Peterbuilt moaning)

1459
01:14:07,276 --> 01:14:09,528
- Please, oh, more cock.

1460
01:14:09,528 --> 01:14:10,738
Oh, more cock.

1461
01:14:11,697 --> 01:14:15,701
(both moaning)
(bed rattling)

1462
01:14:23,042 --> 01:14:27,296
(upbeat jazz music continues)

1463
01:14:27,296 --> 01:14:29,757
- [DJ] Brothers and sisters,
we now interrupt this program.

1464
01:14:29,757 --> 01:14:32,301
Radio Rio Dio in Rio Dio, Texas,

1465
01:14:32,301 --> 01:14:35,429
100,000 watts of
faith-healing power, brings you

1466
01:14:35,429 --> 01:14:37,932
for the first time live from our studio

1467
01:14:37,932 --> 01:14:39,308
an on-the-spot-coverage
(alarm blaring)

1468
01:14:39,308 --> 01:14:41,268
Of an actual solace and succor service

1469
01:14:41,268 --> 01:14:44,981
by your own Sister Eufaula
Roop, who will heal a young man

1470
01:14:44,981 --> 01:14:46,190
whose name is being withheld

1471
01:14:46,190 --> 01:14:48,234
pending notification of next of kin.

1472
01:14:48,234 --> 01:14:52,071
(gentle organ music)
(water sloshing)

1473
01:14:52,071 --> 01:14:54,657
Now we take you live to
Studio A, Sister Roop,

1474
01:14:54,657 --> 01:14:56,450
Sinner X, and the Double Joy.

1475
01:14:56,450 --> 01:14:58,577
Are you ready to begin
the service? Are we?

1476
01:14:58,577 --> 01:15:00,621
Is it time to heal?

1477
01:15:00,621 --> 01:15:02,081
Is it? Are you ready to give yourself

1478
01:15:02,081 --> 01:15:04,458
over to the experience, are you?

1479
01:15:04,458 --> 01:15:06,460
Come with me in the time of life.

1480
01:15:06,460 --> 01:15:09,880
Come to the cleansing
water, oh, yes, the water.

1481
01:15:09,880 --> 01:15:14,051
(Peterbuilt grunting)
(Lavonia screaming)

1482
01:15:15,594 --> 01:15:19,765
Yes, oh, yes, the water
will wash us clean, oh, yes.

1483
01:15:19,765 --> 01:15:20,975
The water will clean us,

1484
01:15:20,975 --> 01:15:22,643
yes, oh, yes.
- I can't--

1485
01:15:22,643 --> 01:15:24,687
- The water will wash us clean, yes.

1486
01:15:24,687 --> 01:15:26,522
The water will wash us clean again

1487
01:15:26,522 --> 01:15:29,108
in our bodies and our souls, yes!

1488
01:15:29,108 --> 01:15:32,278
Our souls and our spirits, yes!

1489
01:15:32,278 --> 01:15:35,156
Our spirits and our feet, yes!
- I can't breathe.

1490
01:15:35,156 --> 01:15:38,659
- Oh, yes, the water will
wash us clean, oh, yes.

1491
01:15:38,659 --> 01:15:40,119
Are you washed?

1492
01:15:40,119 --> 01:15:42,163
(Lavonia moaning)
Are you washed?

1493
01:15:42,163 --> 01:15:43,372
(water sloshing)

1494
01:15:43,372 --> 01:15:44,790
Are you washed?

1495
01:15:45,708 --> 01:15:47,960
Are you washed?
- Yes, I'm washed.

1496
01:15:47,960 --> 01:15:49,253
- [Eufaula] Are you?

1497
01:15:49,253 --> 01:15:52,048
Will we find deliverance? Will we?

1498
01:15:52,048 --> 01:15:55,051
Will we find the harmony, eternity?

1499
01:15:55,051 --> 01:15:56,135
Will we?
(bed rattling)

1500
01:15:56,135 --> 01:15:58,596
Will we find humbling?
- I can't breathe.

1501
01:15:58,596 --> 01:15:59,555
- Will we?
- I can't breathe.

1502
01:15:59,555 --> 01:16:02,099
- Then stay there. Will we?

1503
01:16:02,099 --> 01:16:05,144
Will we find salvation? Will we?

1504
01:16:05,144 --> 01:16:07,313
Will we find deliverance?
(Lamar groaning)

1505
01:16:07,313 --> 01:16:11,400
Will we? Will we find
the aura of eternity?

1506
01:16:11,400 --> 01:16:13,444
Will we? Will we reach karma?

1507
01:16:13,444 --> 01:16:14,278
- Please...
- Will we?

1508
01:16:14,278 --> 01:16:16,947
And savior, will we? We must.

1509
01:16:16,947 --> 01:16:18,532
- No.
- We must be saved.

1510
01:16:18,532 --> 01:16:19,533
We must--
- Stop it.

1511
01:16:19,533 --> 01:16:21,243
- We must be saved. We must.

1512
01:16:21,243 --> 01:16:22,536
- Please.
- We must, we must,

1513
01:16:22,536 --> 01:16:23,537
we must.
- Stop.

1514
01:16:23,537 --> 01:16:25,414
- Come, come with me now.

1515
01:16:25,414 --> 01:16:26,290
- No.
- Come.

1516
01:16:26,290 --> 01:16:28,167
- Stop being a bitch.
- Come with me now, come.

1517
01:16:28,167 --> 01:16:30,878
And beside me now, come, come.

1518
01:16:30,878 --> 01:16:32,171
It's time to come.

1519
01:16:32,171 --> 01:16:34,173
- You're it.
- We must be delivered.

1520
01:16:34,173 --> 01:16:36,383
We must, we must be saved.

1521
01:16:36,383 --> 01:16:37,885
- Wash me, wash me.

1522
01:16:37,885 --> 01:16:39,678
- Through reincarnation.

1523
01:16:39,678 --> 01:16:41,847
- Heal my radio. Heal me.

1524
01:16:41,847 --> 01:16:43,641
- In this life really or in the next.

1525
01:16:43,641 --> 01:16:45,893
- Solace me, solace me.

1526
01:16:45,893 --> 01:16:47,561
Succor me!
(Eufaula screams)

1527
01:16:47,561 --> 01:16:49,563
Succor! Succor me!

1528
01:16:49,563 --> 01:16:53,692
- Will we... will we find sal... sal...

1529
01:16:53,692 --> 01:16:55,903
sal... salvation?
(breasts smacking)

1530
01:16:55,903 --> 01:16:59,782
Realization! Realization!

1531
01:16:59,782 --> 01:17:01,534
(Eufaula screaming)
- [Lamar] Help.

1532
01:17:01,534 --> 01:17:04,829
(Eufaula and Lamar screaming)

1533
01:17:04,829 --> 01:17:07,915
- [Eufaula] Will we find self... self...

1534
01:17:07,915 --> 01:17:09,416
self-realization?

1535
01:17:09,416 --> 01:17:13,254
(Eufaula and Lamar screaming)

1536
01:17:13,254 --> 01:17:15,131
- Succor, succor me.

1537
01:17:15,131 --> 01:17:17,550
- [Eufaula] Yes, brother, yes, we will.

1538
01:17:17,550 --> 01:17:18,801
(Klaxon blaring)

1539
01:17:18,801 --> 01:17:23,472
(Eufaula and Lamar screaming)

1540
01:17:23,472 --> 01:17:24,306
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.

1541
01:17:24,306 --> 01:17:26,475
- I'm taking cover.
- Yes, brother.

1542
01:17:26,475 --> 01:17:28,060
- Yes, we will.

1543
01:17:28,060 --> 01:17:30,813
(Peterbuilt and Lavonia moaning)

1544
01:17:30,813 --> 01:17:34,316
Yes, self-realization!

1545
01:17:34,316 --> 01:17:38,154
(Eufaula and Lamar screaming)

1546
01:17:40,739 --> 01:17:42,491
(gentle organ music continues)

1547
01:17:42,491 --> 01:17:43,826
- [DJ] This is your announcer again.

1548
01:17:43,826 --> 01:17:46,537
You have just shared,
yes, a live broadcast

1549
01:17:46,537 --> 01:17:48,956
of an actual on-the-spot
solace and succor service

1550
01:17:48,956 --> 01:17:49,790
(Klaxon blaring)

1551
01:17:49,790 --> 01:17:52,334
By the Salvator of the Southwest.

1552
01:17:52,334 --> 01:17:55,296
Now, Sister Eufaula
Roop's closing thoughts.

1553
01:17:55,296 --> 01:17:56,964
- Brothers and sisters,
(Lamar screaming)

1554
01:17:56,964 --> 01:17:59,633
If you're not saved, do what I did,

1555
01:17:59,633 --> 01:18:01,427
save yourself.

1556
01:18:01,427 --> 01:18:02,636
- [DJ] And now, brothers and sisters,

1557
01:18:02,636 --> 01:18:06,056
while Sister Roop realigns her
spheres of spiritual thrust,

1558
01:18:06,056 --> 01:18:08,475
a selection of stirring
hymns and martial airs

1559
01:18:08,475 --> 01:18:11,145
prepared and gifted to us
by our sister station,

1560
01:18:11,145 --> 01:18:12,229
Radio Joplin.
(static hissing)

1561
01:18:12,229 --> 01:18:14,607
- [Seagull] Breaker, break,
Seagull to Salad Bowl,

1562
01:18:14,607 --> 01:18:16,901
we still got a shit pot
full a-leaving, boy.

1563
01:18:16,901 --> 01:18:19,028
If you don't haul it
off, the possums will.

1564
01:18:19,028 --> 01:18:21,030
Get your ass in gear, 10-4.
(wheel clattering)

1565
01:18:21,030 --> 01:18:25,117
(Peterbuilt and Lavonia moaning)

1566
01:18:33,667 --> 01:18:35,294
(wheel squeaking)

1567
01:18:35,294 --> 01:18:36,128
(Lavonia moaning)

1568
01:18:36,128 --> 01:18:38,964
- Perhaps a sociologist could
explain why Lavonia risks

1569
01:18:38,964 --> 01:18:41,008
her ideal relationship,
(Lavonia screaming)

1570
01:18:41,008 --> 01:18:43,469
Her prospects for a rosy future,

1571
01:18:43,469 --> 01:18:45,554
all for an adulterous liaison

1572
01:18:45,554 --> 01:18:47,598
with Small Town's garbage czar.

1573
01:18:47,598 --> 01:18:48,974
- You're tough.

1574
01:18:48,974 --> 01:18:55,064
- One more time,
Peterbuilt, one more time.

1575
01:18:55,064 --> 01:18:58,776
- Oh, no, I gotta split.
(footsteps plodding)

1576
01:18:58,776 --> 01:19:00,986
Besides, your old man'll
be due home any time,

1577
01:19:02,363 --> 01:19:04,448
and I don't want any more of that shit.

1578
01:19:04,448 --> 01:19:06,951
(triumphant horn music)
(footsteps plodding)

1579
01:19:06,951 --> 01:19:09,912
- There's still another
hour before supper.

1580
01:19:09,912 --> 01:19:11,705
We got lots of time.
(Peterbuilt groaning)

1581
01:19:11,705 --> 01:19:15,459
- Ah, shit, no.

1582
01:19:15,459 --> 01:19:16,293
- [Lavonia] Oh.

1583
01:19:16,293 --> 01:19:20,172
(vagina squelching)
(Lavonia moaning)

1584
01:19:20,172 --> 01:19:21,799
- Get your ass outta my face.

1585
01:19:22,633 --> 01:19:25,219
I don't eat pussy. It's un-American.

1586
01:19:27,346 --> 01:19:29,348
Easy, Lavonia, easy.

1587
01:19:30,599 --> 01:19:32,810
The damn thing's as sore as a boil.

1588
01:19:34,478 --> 01:19:37,690
Oh, six times in two hours.

1589
01:19:37,690 --> 01:19:40,025
- [Lavonia] Concentrate, Mr. Peterbuilt.

1590
01:19:40,025 --> 01:19:42,486
All ya have to do is concentrate.

1591
01:19:42,486 --> 01:19:45,030
- But why in the world has
Lavonia once again taken

1592
01:19:45,030 --> 01:19:47,241
Mr. Peterbuilt to bed?

1593
01:19:47,241 --> 01:19:48,575
Curious.

1594
01:19:48,575 --> 01:19:51,620
- Oh, flip me over now.

1595
01:19:51,620 --> 01:19:55,291
Now! Flip me!
- I'm whooped, Lavonia.

1596
01:19:55,291 --> 01:19:56,750
I'm as weak as a mewly cat.

1597
01:19:56,750 --> 01:19:58,419
- Come on, Mr. Peterbuilt.

1598
01:19:58,419 --> 01:20:00,212
Climb the mountain one more time.

1599
01:20:00,212 --> 01:20:01,588
It'll be the best.

1600
01:20:02,464 --> 01:20:04,258
Oh.
- Oh, fuck.

1601
01:20:06,176 --> 01:20:07,720
(fists thudding)
(Peterbuilt grunting)

1602
01:20:07,720 --> 01:20:12,725
(Lavonia screaming)
(Peterbuilt grunting)

1603
01:20:13,100 --> 01:20:15,728
- Maybe we've been too hard on Lavonia.

1604
01:20:15,728 --> 01:20:18,314
Surely, it isn't carnal
desire that drives her on.

1605
01:20:18,314 --> 01:20:21,984
Even Mr. Peterbuilt's home breaker
isn't worth a broken home.

1606
01:20:21,984 --> 01:20:24,486
(Peterbuilt grunting)
(bed rattling)

1607
01:20:24,486 --> 01:20:28,032
(both moaning)
(bed continues rattling)

1608
01:20:35,039 --> 01:20:36,123
(static hissing)

1609
01:20:36,123 --> 01:20:38,292
- [Mrs. Peterbuilt] Mrs. Peterbuilt here.

1610
01:20:38,292 --> 01:20:40,669
You're two hours late for my oil change.

1611
01:20:40,669 --> 01:20:43,005
If you're not home in 15 minutes,

1612
01:20:43,005 --> 01:20:44,882
I'll see you in court, bimbo.

1613
01:20:44,882 --> 01:20:48,177
(Peterbuilt and Lavonia screaming)

1614
01:20:48,177 --> 01:20:49,094
(fist thudding)
(glass shattering)

1615
01:20:49,094 --> 01:20:50,387
(Lavonia screaming)

1616
01:20:50,387 --> 01:20:52,181
(body thudding)
(spring twanging)

1617
01:20:52,181 --> 01:20:55,517
- Oh, Lamar, I thought you'd never come.

1618
01:20:55,517 --> 01:20:56,810
(belt clanging)
(zipper whizzing)

1619
01:20:56,810 --> 01:20:59,313
- Me neither.
(mellow music)

1620
01:20:59,313 --> 01:21:02,483
(clothes thudding)
(Lavonia cooing)

1621
01:21:02,483 --> 01:21:04,234
- Hop on.

1622
01:21:04,234 --> 01:21:07,738
Oh, Lamar, you're all straightened out.

1623
01:21:07,738 --> 01:21:08,822
- [Lamar] Yep.

1624
01:21:08,822 --> 01:21:12,076
(spring twanging)
(Lavonia moaning)

1625
01:21:12,076 --> 01:21:14,536
- It didn't do no good.

1626
01:21:14,536 --> 01:21:17,623
Faith healer, my ass.

1627
01:21:17,623 --> 01:21:20,501
♪ Old time religion, gimme
that old time religion ♪

1628
01:21:20,501 --> 01:21:22,961
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

1629
01:21:22,961 --> 01:21:25,506
♪ It's good enough for me ♪

1630
01:21:25,506 --> 01:21:26,715
- Excuse me, Lavonia.

1631
01:21:27,925 --> 01:21:32,930
(Lavonia moaning)
(mellow music)

1632
01:21:40,104 --> 01:21:44,983
(wheel squeaking)
(Lavonia continues moaning)

1633
01:21:44,983 --> 01:21:49,071
- Oh, Lamar, I feel like a virgin again.

1634
01:21:49,071 --> 01:21:51,031
(Lavonia moaning)
(bed rattling)

1635
01:21:51,031 --> 01:21:54,118
Oh, Lamar. (moaning)

1636
01:21:57,037 --> 01:22:00,040
More cock! Oh, I want it.

1637
01:22:00,040 --> 01:22:01,750
Give me more cock.
- Here.

1638
01:22:01,750 --> 01:22:04,294
Wrap your legs tight, tight around me.

1639
01:22:04,294 --> 01:22:07,381
(Lavonia and Lamar moaning)

1640
01:22:07,381 --> 01:22:11,385
- Oh, you're great, better
than Mr. Peterbuilt.

1641
01:22:11,385 --> 01:22:13,595
I love it.
(Lamar moaning)

1642
01:22:13,595 --> 01:22:14,555
(Peterbuilt growling)

1643
01:22:14,555 --> 01:22:15,639
(bell dinging)

1644
01:22:15,639 --> 01:22:17,808
Oh, that was a good 'un.

1645
01:22:18,642 --> 01:22:20,811
(Lavonia and Lamar moaning)

1646
01:22:20,811 --> 01:22:22,729
- Peterbuilt's a bad guy, Lavonia.

1647
01:22:22,729 --> 01:22:26,733
- Yeah, Lamar, real bad.

1648
01:22:26,733 --> 01:22:29,445
(lively music)

1649
01:22:29,445 --> 01:22:33,198
(both moaning)
(bed rattling)

1650
01:22:35,033 --> 01:22:36,952
Please, oh, more cock.

1651
01:22:37,995 --> 01:22:40,164
(Lavonia moaning)
(energetic music)

1652
01:22:40,164 --> 01:22:43,834
(Lavonia and Lamar moaning)

1653
01:22:46,712 --> 01:22:50,507
- Now you put that back in
your pants, Mr. Fidelis.

1654
01:22:50,507 --> 01:22:51,884
(wheel squeaking)

1655
01:22:53,927 --> 01:22:56,513
(mellow music)

1656
01:23:01,977 --> 01:23:06,773
Ooh, I tell you, friends, that
song brings me real solace.

1657
01:23:06,773 --> 01:23:09,651
I can't say what a comfort it is,

1658
01:23:09,651 --> 01:23:10,944
especially in these...

1659
01:23:10,944 --> 01:23:12,779
(Lavonia moaning)

1660
01:23:12,779 --> 01:23:13,822
Especially in these...

1661
01:23:13,822 --> 01:23:18,827
(Lavonia moaning)
(bed rattling)

1662
01:23:20,287 --> 01:23:23,582
What, ooh, to expect next?

1663
01:23:23,582 --> 01:23:27,211
A song like that can transport
you to honest-to-goodness,

1664
01:23:27,252 --> 01:23:30,297
oh, oh, rapture.

1665
01:23:30,297 --> 01:23:33,258
Oh, that's just... (laughs)

1666
01:23:33,258 --> 01:23:35,010
I feel...
(Lavonia moaning)

1667
01:23:35,010 --> 01:23:37,763
Oh, and I just wish I could stay here

1668
01:23:37,763 --> 01:23:40,641
at the microphone forever, (laughs)

1669
01:23:40,641 --> 01:23:44,311
But, uh, there's always
someone to be saved...

1670
01:23:44,311 --> 01:23:48,982
Oh! Someone who needs
solace even more than I do.

1671
01:23:48,982 --> 01:23:52,361
But... but... oh!
(switch clicking)

1672
01:23:52,361 --> 01:23:57,366
(Lavonia moaning)
(Eufaula squealing)

1673
01:23:59,826 --> 01:24:01,995
So let's all enjoy...

1674
01:24:01,995 --> 01:24:04,790
(Eufaula squealing)

1675
01:24:04,790 --> 01:24:07,876
Enjoy this lovely musical interlude

1676
01:24:07,876 --> 01:24:11,922
from (moans) Rio Dio Radio, ooh,

1677
01:24:11,922 --> 01:24:15,676
healing you on AM, healing you on FM.

1678
01:24:15,676 --> 01:24:19,346
(Lavonia and Lamar moaning)

1679
01:24:20,764 --> 01:24:24,101
Brothers and, ooh, sisters,
that's what we need,

1680
01:24:24,101 --> 01:24:26,728
self-realization and the, oh!

1681
01:24:26,728 --> 01:24:27,646
(Eufaula screaming)

1682
01:24:27,646 --> 01:24:28,772
(Lavonia and Lamar moaning)

1683
01:24:28,772 --> 01:24:32,150
I'm getting very good vibrations from you.

1684
01:24:32,150 --> 01:24:33,944
- [Lavonia] More cock!

1685
01:24:33,944 --> 01:24:35,696
- Getting very good vibrations

1686
01:24:35,696 --> 01:24:39,908
from, (moans) you (moans) all today.

1687
01:24:39,908 --> 01:24:42,786
I can just, whoo, tell how much.

1688
01:24:42,786 --> 01:24:46,415
(Lavonia and Lamar moaning)

1689
01:24:47,499 --> 01:24:49,710
- Lay it on the radio and...

1690
01:24:49,710 --> 01:24:52,713
(Eufaula screaming)

1691
01:24:55,382 --> 01:24:56,717
Come on, Rhett.

1692
01:24:58,010 --> 01:25:00,470
Rhett, my gosh, you touched my soul.

1693
01:25:01,597 --> 01:25:05,434
(footsteps plodding)

1694
01:25:05,475 --> 01:25:07,185
(body thudding)
(door slamming)

1695
01:25:07,185 --> 01:25:10,355
(Klaxon blaring)

1696
01:25:10,355 --> 01:25:14,067
Teenagers need solace and
succor just like anybody else.

1697
01:25:14,067 --> 01:25:15,569
- [DJ] This is your announcer again.

1698
01:25:15,569 --> 01:25:17,613
We have an unprecedented
epoch in the annals

1699
01:25:17,613 --> 01:25:19,281
of radio broadcasting.

1700
01:25:19,281 --> 01:25:21,283
Yes, for the second time today,

1701
01:25:21,283 --> 01:25:23,910
Sister Eufaula Roop will
bestow an abundance of solace

1702
01:25:23,910 --> 01:25:26,163
and succor upon a young sinner.

1703
01:25:26,163 --> 01:25:29,916
Hallelujah, brothers
and sisters, hallelujah.

1704
01:25:29,916 --> 01:25:31,543
(triumphant horn music)

1705
01:25:31,543 --> 01:25:35,547
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

1706
01:25:35,589 --> 01:25:37,758
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

1707
01:25:37,758 --> 01:25:39,551
♪ It's good enough for me ♪

1708
01:25:39,551 --> 01:25:43,555
♪ Makes me love everybody
Makes me love everybody ♪

1709
01:25:43,555 --> 01:25:46,141
♪ Makes me love everybody ♪

1710
01:25:46,141 --> 01:25:50,103
♪ It's good enough for me ♪

1711
01:25:51,021 --> 01:25:53,565
- Sure, folks play around
a little in Small Town,

1712
01:25:53,565 --> 01:25:54,566
but that's just to keep things

1713
01:25:54,566 --> 01:25:56,860
from getting too darn peaceful.

1714
01:25:56,860 --> 01:25:59,696
And if they don't get what they
want the first time around,

1715
01:25:59,696 --> 01:26:01,531
well, there's always tomorrow.

1716
01:26:01,531 --> 01:26:02,532
(couple moaning)

1717
01:26:02,532 --> 01:26:04,576
In addition to the championship,

1718
01:26:04,576 --> 01:26:06,787
there's always more than one bowl game

1719
01:26:06,787 --> 01:26:09,122
at the end of the season.

1720
01:26:09,122 --> 01:26:11,708
(Zebulon scatting)
(metal clanging)

1721
01:26:11,708 --> 01:26:16,713
(upbeat music)
(couple moaning)

1722
01:26:21,677 --> 01:26:23,428
(Zebulon scatting)

1723
01:26:23,428 --> 01:26:27,182
(Peterbuilt and Sal moaning)

1724
01:26:28,141 --> 01:26:30,394
(dramatic music)

1725
01:26:30,394 --> 01:26:34,815
(Peterbuilt and Sal moaning)
(truck whirring)

1726
01:26:41,613 --> 01:26:43,907
- [Peterbuilt] Are you kidding? No, no.

1727
01:26:43,907 --> 01:26:46,743
(metal clanging)
(Sal screaming)

1728
01:26:46,743 --> 01:26:50,747
(truck whirring)
(dramatic music continues)

1729
01:26:51,665 --> 01:26:55,627
- I always wanted to own
my own junkyard. (laughs)

1730
01:26:55,627 --> 01:26:56,795
(mellow music)

1731
01:26:56,795 --> 01:27:00,549
(Peterbuilt and Sal moaning)

1732
01:27:03,552 --> 01:27:06,513
(Lavonia moaning)

1733
01:27:06,513 --> 01:27:08,765
- [Lavonia] More cock! Cock!
(sultry music)

1734
01:27:08,765 --> 01:27:10,308
Give me more cock!

1735
01:27:10,308 --> 01:27:14,563
- Oh, I didn't know you
were still around, RM.

1736
01:27:14,563 --> 01:27:17,399
There's something for
everyone here in Small Town.

1737
01:27:17,399 --> 01:27:20,110
That's why it's such
a swell place to live.

1738
01:27:20,110 --> 01:27:21,528
Well, look at Lamar.

1739
01:27:21,528 --> 01:27:24,197
Now that he and Lavonia have
gotten their act together,

1740
01:27:24,197 --> 01:27:25,365
I bet he'll buckle down

1741
01:27:25,365 --> 01:27:28,452
and maybe even take
some postgraduate work.

1742
01:27:28,452 --> 01:27:32,164
Then again, maybe he'll never
get back to hitting the books.

1743
01:27:32,164 --> 01:27:34,374
(spring twanging)
(Lavonia moaning)

1744
01:27:34,374 --> 01:27:37,294
- [Lamar] What you gonna
get me for my birthday?

1745
01:27:37,294 --> 01:27:38,962
- [Lavonia] You're getting it right now.

1746
01:27:38,962 --> 01:27:41,006
(Lavonia and Lamar moaning)

1747
01:27:41,006 --> 01:27:43,550
- [Lamar] Seems like old times.

1748
01:27:43,550 --> 01:27:45,677
- [Lavonia] But only on your birthday.

1749
01:27:45,677 --> 01:27:47,554
(spring twanging)
(Lamar moaning)

1750
01:27:47,554 --> 01:27:49,806
- Anyway, if you should ever find yourself

1751
01:27:49,806 --> 01:27:52,100
down in this neck of the woods again,

1752
01:27:52,100 --> 01:27:55,771
you'll be sure to pay us
a visit to Small Town,

1753
01:27:55,771 --> 01:27:57,522
cradle to the nation.

1754
01:27:58,398 --> 01:28:01,651
- [Eufaula] ...But no stamps or
checks, friends, to "Pillow,"

1755
01:28:01,651 --> 01:28:03,653
Rio Dio, Texas.
(Rhett and SuperSoul moaning)

1756
01:28:03,653 --> 01:28:05,113
And now, friends, yes...

1757
01:28:05,113 --> 01:28:07,699
- You know my 14-year-old son, Rhett,

1758
01:28:07,699 --> 01:28:11,203
but I don't believe you've met
my Austrian wife, SuperSoul.

1759
01:28:11,203 --> 01:28:14,247
Say hello, family, to the
folks out there in movie land.

1760
01:28:14,247 --> 01:28:15,081
- Hi.

1761
01:28:15,081 --> 01:28:16,583
(SuperSoul speaking German)

1762
01:28:16,583 --> 01:28:19,085
- Now, son, if you plan to be

1763
01:28:19,085 --> 01:28:21,963
around to see your 15th birthday,

1764
01:28:21,963 --> 01:28:24,591
you better pull out that
thing you call a dick

1765
01:28:24,591 --> 01:28:27,135
and let your father show ya how it's done.

1766
01:28:27,135 --> 01:28:32,015
- ...Made long, and what
was insatiable, satiated!

1767
01:28:32,015 --> 01:28:34,226
(Eufaula squealing)

1768
01:28:34,226 --> 01:28:35,060
(speaker thudding)

1769
01:28:35,060 --> 01:28:38,563
(SuperSoul speaking German)
(ground rumbling)

1770
01:28:38,563 --> 01:28:43,568
(people moaning)
(dramatic music)

1771
01:28:59,793 --> 01:29:03,213
(ground rumbling)
(dramatic music continues)

1772
01:29:04,297 --> 01:29:06,591
(people screaming)

1773
01:29:06,591 --> 01:29:11,596
(SuperSoul speaking German)
(ground continues rumbling)

1774
01:29:22,649 --> 01:29:25,235
- Like the old man said,
walk down any street,

1775
01:29:25,235 --> 01:29:27,279
knock on any door, and who will you meet?

1776
01:29:27,279 --> 01:29:28,280
Average people,
(Eufaula screaming)

1777
01:29:28,280 --> 01:29:29,489
Ordinary people,
(Semper Fidelis grunting)

1778
01:29:29,489 --> 01:29:31,283
Down-home people, yeah,
(Sal laughing)

1779
01:29:31,283 --> 01:29:32,909
like the folks next door.
(Lavonia moaning)

1780
01:29:32,909 --> 01:29:36,454
Take Rhett, for example, the
young punk with a big future,

1781
01:29:36,454 --> 01:29:39,040
but frankly, he doesn't give a damn.

1782
01:29:39,040 --> 01:29:43,962
Or the Dame Lola Langusta,
Mexico's own Susan B. Anthony.

1783
01:29:43,962 --> 01:29:45,922
Too bad those tits
haven't been commemorated

1784
01:29:45,922 --> 01:29:48,174
on a two-peso note of her own.

1785
01:29:48,174 --> 01:29:52,220
And that palooka Peterbuilt,
86'd with his own club.

1786
01:29:52,220 --> 01:29:56,683
Flovilla Thatch, yeah, she
knew all the answers. (laughs)

1787
01:29:56,683 --> 01:29:59,352
Now she's a very practical nurse.

1788
01:29:59,352 --> 01:30:02,772
And Zebulon proved the
American way is the only way.

1789
01:30:02,772 --> 01:30:05,567
Now it's nothing less
than Hollywood for him.

1790
01:30:05,567 --> 01:30:09,404
Or the Austrian wife, SuperSoul,
milking young elks at will.

1791
01:30:09,404 --> 01:30:13,033
Eufaula Roop, solace and
succor for the masses,

1792
01:30:13,033 --> 01:30:17,078
her coffers bulging and
tax exempt, of course.

1793
01:30:17,078 --> 01:30:19,289
Asa Lavender, he's blown his cover,

1794
01:30:19,289 --> 01:30:21,958
but he'll turn up, like maybe a doctor,

1795
01:30:21,958 --> 01:30:24,878
lawyer, or an Indian chief,

1796
01:30:24,878 --> 01:30:26,630
even a school teacher.

1797
01:30:26,630 --> 01:30:28,882
Lavonia, what can I say?

1798
01:30:28,882 --> 01:30:31,635
A pulverizing crucible of fulfillment;

1799
01:30:31,635 --> 01:30:33,720
if her brand of adultery could be bottled

1800
01:30:33,720 --> 01:30:36,848
and pushed by the kernel,
she'd own the town.

1801
01:30:36,848 --> 01:30:38,600
Then there's Lamar.

1802
01:30:38,600 --> 01:30:42,354
He found that something as
precious as love brings with it

1803
01:30:42,354 --> 01:30:46,608
a demand for an occasional change of pace.

1804
01:30:46,608 --> 01:30:50,195
Kitten Natividad, a Latin Brunhilda,

1805
01:30:50,195 --> 01:30:54,658
all the laurel eyes rolled
into one, but take it from me,

1806
01:30:54,658 --> 01:30:56,326
that's another tale.
(Kitten squealing)

1807
01:30:56,326 --> 01:30:58,662
Paris creations direct from Paraguay.

1808
01:30:58,662 --> 01:31:00,664
- Attach it, uh--
- Semper Fidelis,

1809
01:31:00,664 --> 01:31:03,416
his pneumatic crotch
shoring up the beaver dams

1810
01:31:03,416 --> 01:31:05,043
of Small Town.

1811
01:31:05,043 --> 01:31:09,673
Junk Yard Sal, a full day's
pay for an honest day's work

1812
01:31:09,673 --> 01:31:12,801
and never a charge for overtime.

1813
01:31:12,801 --> 01:31:16,096
(jaunty music)
(feet shuffling)

1814
01:31:16,096 --> 01:31:20,809
Oh, I, uh, I forgot Bormann.
How thoughtless of me.

1815
01:31:20,809 --> 01:31:24,354
(Martin singing in German)

1816
01:31:26,564 --> 01:31:31,152
Marty, he's finally found
peace in his beloved desert.

1817
01:31:31,152 --> 01:31:34,739
(Martin singing in German)

1818
01:31:37,701 --> 01:31:42,205
- Oh, fuck me, fuck me, oh.

1819
01:31:42,205 --> 01:31:45,417
Fuck me! More cock!

1820
01:31:45,417 --> 01:31:48,128
Oh, more cock!
- Hey, Kitten, let's go!

1821
01:31:48,128 --> 01:31:50,880
(Kitten moaning)

1822
01:31:54,843 --> 01:31:57,679
(cart clattering)

1823
01:31:58,847 --> 01:32:01,766
(footsteps plodding)

1824
01:32:01,766 --> 01:32:03,101
Where in the hell's the crew?

1825
01:32:06,354 --> 01:32:07,981
Well, no matter.

1826
01:32:07,981 --> 01:32:09,774
(footsteps plodding)

1827
01:32:09,774 --> 01:32:12,944
Let me check out on a historical note,

1828
01:32:12,944 --> 01:32:14,904
a matter of military records.

1829
01:32:14,904 --> 01:32:17,532
Bormann's teeth and gums
were found some years

1830
01:32:17,532 --> 01:32:21,286
after World War II, but
they never found him.

1831
01:32:21,286 --> 01:32:24,956
There he is, alive and well, sweetheart.

1832
01:32:24,956 --> 01:32:28,793
Living proof that gentle
will all your steps be

1833
01:32:28,793 --> 01:32:32,964
as you venture beneath the
Valley of the Ultra-Vixens.

1834
01:32:32,964 --> 01:32:36,009
- [Lavonia] Marty, oh, it's so much better

1835
01:32:36,009 --> 01:32:37,969
without your teeth.
(coffin creaking)

1836
01:32:37,969 --> 01:32:42,932
(Martin speaking German)
(moaning)

1837
01:32:42,932 --> 01:32:44,059
(coffin creaking)
(continues moaning)

1838
01:32:44,059 --> 01:32:46,144
- [Narrator] Be sure to watch
for the further adventures

1839
01:32:46,144 --> 01:32:48,063
of the bountiful Lavonia

1840
01:32:48,063 --> 01:32:50,690
challenging a whole new
batch of bosom buddies

1841
01:32:50,690 --> 01:32:53,777
for horizontal honors in Russ Meyer's

1842
01:32:53,777 --> 01:32:55,695
"The Jaws of Vixen."
(suspenseful music)

1843
01:32:55,695 --> 01:32:57,030
She'll never let go.

1844
01:32:57,030 --> 01:32:59,365
(spring twanging)

1845
01:32:59,365 --> 01:33:00,617
(item thudding)